Child of The Wild Blue Yonder

2011-06-11T00:14:00.000-07:00

It's been a while and I've grown up a lot, but one thing that I've always had on my mind is love that I have always had and I've never really known the person with the exception of a few vague memories.

What I mean, is that I have loved ones that have passed away that I still very much love and think about. My Aunt Gerri, who passed away in the early '70s, is someone I never knew, but have a large amount of love and respect for because of the positive influence that she had on my own mother's life. Hell, I'm a very spiritual person and I believe that my great Aunt has been a very large part of my life since day one.

I'm also speaking of my Uncle Mark who we lost 8 or so years ago. I never really knew him and only saw him every 2 to 4 years. It was explained to me that, just like my older sister, he was bipolar. It was explained that when he went through his manic episodes, he would cut himself off from the family. I know this much, I loved him and I adored him and I still think of him often, I miss him so much sometimes it hurts knowing that his death was never investigated and that no one even cared enough to fly to the west coast to identify his body. I know that my family reads this, and I mean no harm, but this weighs heavily on my mind now that I'm old enough to understand.

Why couldn't he be around more while I was growing up? What was so wrong that I wasn't allowed to know him very well? All that I know of him is that he was very artistically talented, a tattoo artist and he carved wood. I know that he had the most badass moustache you'll ever see. I know that because of his traveling his Southern accent became non-existent. If you'd heard him speak, you'd never know where he was from. I know that I miss him. I know that my parents, especially my dad, miss him.

I can't help but to think of the loves that I'll never know and always love.

December boys got it bad....

2010-05-07T16:38:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't posted anything on here for a few months. A LOT has changed and I'm in a much better place because of it. I took a big, stupid risk and it paid off, thank God. I'm probably the only person who can do something so incredibly risky and come out alive&kicking.

I've got a job, searching for a better one, and I've been writing a whole heckuva lot. I'm actually really proud of what I've been writing, for once in my life. I guess that's why I haven't been posting any blogs, I have a new writing outlet that's more private and will eventually become public once it's copyrighted.

Well, Memphis has lost a few more musicians since the untimely death of the legendary Jim Dickinson(whom I still miss a lot, I'll always miss him). Willie Mitchell passed at the beginning of the year and then a couple weeks later we lost an up and coming youngster, Jay Reatard. The latter was really making a name for himself and then we just lose him. His death really scared me senseless and made me think, "Who's next? Will it be someone that I consider to be like a brother to me?" Most recently, the leader of Big Star, Alex Chilton passed away. This really hit home for me too, Big Star had recently become a sort of soundtrack to my life and to lose someone when you've just started discovering them is really sad. Memphis has lost entirely too much in the past 9 months.

Well, I'm done. My mom is bugging me to finish, so maybe I'll post more later.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FOLKS THAT I LOVE!!!!!

2010-01-04T17:50:00.000-08:00

So, it's a new year and I've made the best resolution that I've ever made. "Don't let yesterday use up too much of today," Will Rogers said that. I have no idea who the guy is, but I'm grateful to Jason Mraz for posting the quote on twitter.

This year, my writing and my education and my health will take top priority with me. I'm sick of not being the person I'm supposed to be and just letting myself go. No more. I'm gonna fight it. It's gonna be hard, fighting depression, but I have to do it. I have to.

I love writing. I'm writing an essay right now and I haven't done that in so long. I'm loving it. It's not only aimed at my eventual readers, but at myself too. It's about something that we are all guilty of falling prey to. Not gonna give it away, but I may post it in the near future.

Something that I wish that I had for my writing is a typewriter or a laptop. Sure, I've got a computer at home, but it's in my dad's room and that's not exactly easy access at any time that I may need it to type up a story or some other thing I'm working on. Just putting this out there.

I hope that you all have a wonderful year and, to whoever reads this, thank you for taking the time to care.

I'm posting this blog just to say.....

2009-12-17T00:47:00.000-08:00

GO RED WINGS!

They've had an unlucky season so far, but they're playing like heroes.

Say what you will, oh aunts of mine, but I don't care. This team has heart, this team has soul. I'm a Memphis girl and I KNOW soul.........wait so are you. Whatever. I still live here. ;)

You were flying to high for my little sky, so I'm moving on.

2009-11-24T15:26:00.000-08:00

I prefer Elvis singing that song ^^^ to Roseanne Cash singing it. Her cover is just trying too hard.

I've been thinking about artists covering well known songs or songs by well known artists lately. Is this ok or not? When is it ok? When is it not ok?

I think that the new arrangement of the song has to stay true to the original and the listener has to be able to tell that the singer is truly a fan of the original, has always been a fan of the original. When I hear Carrie Underwood cover Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home," it makes me cringe. She's covering it because it might somehow make her seem more edgy, when in reality, fans of the original are disgusted.

A good example of an artist covering an already popular, awesome tune is when Elvis Presley would sing songs like "My Babe"(a Little Walter tune) or "Hound Dog"(a Big Mama Thornton tune, if I'm not mistaken). His versions of classic gospel tunes also comes to mind. You could just tell in his delivery, and through the new arrangements of the tunes, that he had an immense amount of respect for the songs that he sang.

That being said, I am a huge fan of new artists(new meaning they started recording anywhere from 20 to 5 years ago) covering some of my favorite songs. When I hear my favorite band, North Mississippi Allstars, cover "Little Wing"; my heart swells with pride because they do the song such justice. And when I hear Ben Nichols's(of Lucero, another great local band) raspy, whiskey soaked voice sing "Ain't No Sunshine," I smile because I know that he gets the heart of the song. He lives it.

All I ask for is a genuine delivery, whether it be your own song or a cover.

Here's hoping this actually makes sense.

2009-10-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

In my younger years as a music lover I never dreamed that new music could satisfy my heart the way that music from the '50s and '60s did, and continues to do. While I still believe that the '60s was the height of music, the current underground music scene is really very fulfilling and satisfying for a music lover like me.

I've been discovering new and wonderful music for the past 7 years and every time I think I've really found the end of good music, someone sends something new my way. It's really comforting to know that there are still songwriters and bands out there that are passionate about what they do. It's comforting to know that there's still some originality out there.

It's NOT so comforting knowing that none of these songwriters or bands will EVER reach the level of success that they so rightfully deserve and have earned because today's mainstream music industry is so image driven. I hate that, the image is not everything. Sometimes, beautiful music comes in not so pretty packaging and that's great to me.(Sorry, if I offend you, fellas. I'm trying to make a point here, not hurt your precious feelings.)

While I do love having this circle of songwriters/bands around me that I can so easily access, I'd readily give up this easy access to see them be respected and revered by more than just their small community of fans. These guys have to make a living and in a decade from now, that'll be damn near impossible for them. Touring will become a thing of the past for smaller bands 20 years from now because it's so expensive.

Yes, I can see the industry slowly changing because of the internet, but I'm still worried that the right music won't get out there.

2009-08-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

RIP Jim Dickinson

November 15, 1941-August 15,2009

So, this is probably the saddest event I'll ever write about. I've lost one of my heroes, someone who a gal could really look up to and will continue to look up to.

James Luther Dickinson was a champion for Memphis music and musicians alike. He had a career that would've given anyone the impression that they could raise their nose at a young band with raw talent and say 'No!' simply because the pay wasn't good enough. Jim never did that, if it was in his tastes, he put his name behind it and supported it. His love for his city and the music that was made within its limits never failed.

As a session musician; he played on the last good record to come from Sun Records with the Jesters, he played on the Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses", he played with Aretha Franklin, he was a part of the mighty mighty Dixie Flyers(the house band for Atlantic), he played with Dylan(he once said, "If you've got Jim Dickinson, you don't need anybody else." Something along those lines), and countless others. The list is enough to make any music lover's toes curl with pleasure and jealously all at once.

As a producer; he helped Big Star record what is considered their last consistent record, made an album with the Replacements that while it was great, it couldn't be played live for years because the band was so messed up when it was recorded, he produced a rock legend like Screamin' Jay Hawkins, a young rock'n roll band like Lucero, a legendary songwriter like John Hiatt, and took under his wing the young and very talented singer, Amy Lavere. Listening to these records confirms a few things about him, but the one that stands out the most is that Jim Dickinson had amazing taste in music. No matter the artist, you can always tell that Jim had his hand in it because he was able to stand back and let the artist be, let the artist put out the best that they could.

As a performer, I don't think I've ever been so thrilled to be in an audience as when I would watch Jim Dickinson behind his sticker covered keyboard or wielding his acoustic guitar. With his signature bandana in place, Mr. Dickinson would tell stories that would make the most serious of person break out into a smile and sing songs you've either never heard before or songs that no one had played onstage in a while. His song choice was always the best part of the show. Whether he was on his own, with his sons, with Sid Selvidge&Jimmy Crosthwait, or with Steve Selvidge, Paul Taylor, and Amy Lavere I always left the show inspired and with a smile on my face after seeing my hero play.

None of what I've said so far are reason why so many love and respect Mr. Dickinson. It wasn't his career or his prowess as a musician and songwriter. No, it was his love for music and his love for family that earned my respect, and I'm sure the respect of many others. Throughout his career he's been the consumate music fan and family man. For anyone that met him or enjoyed the mark that he's left on the music world, we've lost a great friend and mentor. I can only be a small part of helping spread the word of his legacy, but I'm proud to be a part of that small part in helping people know James Luther Dickinson.

Jim Dickinson on Having a Career in Production: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GsLfNnGs0Y

With the other 2 remaining members of Mudboy&the Neutrons(Sid&Jimmy) AND Steve Selvidge&Paul Taylor performing "Hitler Lives":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0yszfWz1XQ

I realize how cold and unfeeling this blog is, but I can't bring myself to write anything else. If you really want to read something heartfelt, read Chuck Prophet and G.Love's blogs. Those are my favorites and I'm sure that if Jim's family has read them, those are their favorites too.

It breaths life into your lungs.

2009-08-06T10:20:00.001-07:00

There's nothing more important than the loving relationship that you have with your favorite band, album, or song. Music is what connects total strangers who have nothing in common, but the groove. A yuppie is best friends with a hippie because they both love Bob Dylan. The yuppie loves Dylan because Dylan makes him feel liberated from the day to day nothingness of sitting at a desk. A hippie loves Dylan because Dylan helps him structure his thoughts, his life.

A good groove can take any day and turn it around. When you're driving around in your car, totally pissed because you couldn't afford to buy enough gas to last you the week, a Prince song comes on and immediately you're smiling, singing along, and dancing in your seat. You feel better and when the song is over you realize that everything is okay, it's just one bad day or week and it's not the end of the world. The groove helps you pull through.

I realize we're going through an economic crisis, but if you'd just stop stressing out for a few songs, you'd be able to pull through. It doesn't cost anything to put the radio on and flip through the stations until you find a song you haven't listened to in a while or a song that you're embaressed to like, but you love it anyways. Embrace the sheer joy of turning up the radio to its loudest and yelling along to the song, you could even change the lyrics to something silly while you're singing along.

Music makes you carefree. Music makes you feel. Music breaths life into your lungs.
Embrace the groove, love the groove, dance to the groove.

Here's a theory, for you to completely disregard as soon as it's read.

2009-08-06T10:03:00.000-07:00

So, I'm a part of the social network MySpace. I love it. I love it because it helps the socially inept, such as myself, to keep in touch with those I rarely ever see. I love it because I've discovered a lot of good music and good musician friends through it. I can't tell you how many times the musicians of Memphis that I look up to see me and say "Hey! It's Hurricane Natalie!" and how many times it's made me embaressed, leaving me blushing in the place that I'm standing. It's great, really, because I call some of them friends in real life.

Real life, well, let me tell you, I don't make friends on the ol' myshrine unless I've actually met and friended this person face to face. The internet is impersonal enough to be making friends strictly on MySpace, I gotta know the sound of your voice and your mannerisms.

I talked to a friend recently who complained that while a lot of people send him friend requests, he's not able to actually be friends with them in real life, they ignore him. I almost pointed out, politely, that he's a well known musician among music fans in Memphis and that's why, but I refrained. The point is...well, I don't know my point. I just know that the internet is extremely impersonal and it's not a real social life. It's why I only communicate with those I know personally or a good friend of mine knows this person personally.

Here's another thing that bugs me, getting tons of friend requests from bands. I've got maybe 50 requests in my inbox right now, from bands who either took the time to look at my profile and thought I'd enjoy their music or bands who simply want to up their friend count. I'm alright with the former, that's great, but the latter really bugs me and I can tell the difference. The latter only has all of those 'friends' because they've taken the time to go through other bands' friends list and the people they sent them to simply clicked "accept" to up their own friend count. This is completely bogus and insincere, which I'm sure says something about the band's music. Not every kid who loves rock'n roll should pick up a guitar and start writing songs, just like not every kid who loves cop shows should pick up a gun and start arresting people. It just doesn't make sense.

Alright, I won't subject you guys to my caffeine buzz anymore. Hopefully, you understood at least a third of that.

I apologize to my aunts and uncles who read this and think I'm completely nuts. I assure you, I really am.

Show them how funky, strong is your fight!

2009-07-16T13:49:00.000-07:00

Saw Cory Branan&Jon Snodgrass last night. Awesome. Just what I needed. It's great how a good show can give you the kick in the ass that you need, ya know?

I'm glad I'm getting out of this house and away from negativity. I'm moving on to a positive environment and that's just what I need to help me get things done. Just give me a positive place to live and a feisty(I'm planning on abusing that word for the next few weeks) attitude, I'll do great. Having a good sister is amazing, lucky for me I have 2!(No matter how much I may bitch about them, those 2 are quality sisters)

It took some of my favorite people in the world, that I never see, to remind me of who I am. I'm a goofy, caring gal who gets a little feisty(shoot me if you must) sometimes. I'm smart and I have plans, I can do this. I can reach my goal. No matter what.

Is 'hush' just a word to make you go to sleep?

2009-07-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

So, I'm afraid of leaving my door unlocked so that my sister can come in when she gets off work at the crack of dawn. It doesn't have anything to do with her, but it does have to do with the fact that my dad's house(my home) got broken into a month ago.

I'm so scared of someone coming in while I'm asleep, even though I'm a light sleeper. I wish that I wasn't so scared.

Just like in a ton of my past blogs, I'm gonna take the time to say this: I wish that I had friends to hang out with. I recently saw a postcard on PostSecret that said something along the lines of "I'm depressed because I don't have any friends; I don't have any friends because I'm depressed." I love that people check in on me through the internet, but getting a phonecall asking me to hang out is way better.

Lately, I've been wishing for someone to physically abuse me just so that I can feel a different kind of pain. You can't imagine what kind of emotional pain that I carry around with me everyday. It weighs me down so much so that I can hardly get out of bed some days.

I don't know if I'm going to see Cory Branan Wednesday night. I could probably get there without any help, but getting home would be a pain. I really miss him and it would be the first show that I've been to since February. I'm gonna have a mutual friend of ours text him my number to see if he has any ideas on that. Nothing will come of it, but whatever.(I never get my hopes up about ANYTHING anymore.)

So, I've made a life altering decision and you won't hear about it for a few months or I may even wait a year to say anything. That's the way it has to be, no apologies. Just know that it's what I think is best for me and I'm gonna work hard to get there.

I'm moving in with my sister, Bridget, and I'm pretty excited/anxious. I know she'll make me work hard and do my best, that's exactly what I need.

It'd be so nice to spend a week camping out in the Smokies.

2009-07-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

I really need to get out and find myself a new crush cause I'm still pining over the same guy even though I haven't seen him since December or February, can't remember. I bet my heart will still speed up the next time that I see him.

I really need a new crush.

Even though I can't help the nagging feeling that he's the one for me. I know it's foolish because I've invented in my head what we would be like together, and I know it'd be nothing like that. We'd probably cuss and argue at each other all the time.

I've got a really good heart, I just can't catch a break....

2009-07-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

So, I've not updated my blog in a while and to make up for it I'll put up a couple of poems that I wrote last night. Try not to puke on your keyboard.

Memphis,Tennessee

Dear Tennessee,
I love you so much it hurts
Dear Memphis,
I'm sorry I must leave so quickly

But the pain in my heart
Has multiplied
And running is all I know
I'm so sorry,

Tennessee,
Please forgive me
For things that I've done
And will continue to do

Don't grieve for me,
Memphis,
My sweet city
I still want you in my heart

But the river rocked me
So hard
And I just can't
Get back up

I'm sorry for
The slanderous words
I said about you
Please understand

I was talking from my head
Not from my heart
I could never put down,
My sweet Tennessee

So, as I'm picking up my bag
To leave you
Please remember one thing
And then I'm through

I'm sorry for
The hurtful words
I said to you
Please understand

I was talking from my head
Not from my heart
I could never let you down,
My sweet Memphis city

Maybe, One Day

My heart
And my head
Are bitter enemies
They can never agree

One says, 'I love him'
The other, 'I'd rather not'
Trouble is
I don't know who's saying what

So be patient with me
I'm just a girl
On her knees
Begging for you

To be patient with me
And my bewildering ways
As I try to unlock
The puzzle inside of me

I've convinced myself,
Time and again,
That you've got the key
To solve my riddle

Maybe I'm just fooling myself
Baby, I really hope
That I'm not
Pushing you away

With these confusing thoughts
Bouncing 'round inside
Of my head
That I can't get to stop

But I'm the only one
Who can have that key
The only one who
Can solve this mystery

So, hold onto your hat
Hold onto your patience
And maybe, one day,
You'll hold onto me.

2009-05-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna blog about this cause it's always bugged the hell outta me.

Why is it that it's okay for musicians to be alcoholics and it's encouraged by the whole fanbase? Do you NOT want these guys to be around for a long time making more music for you to love? Are you only interested in the good time of that night and not the great music that could come if the boys would just quit drinking?

If I were good friends with the person I'm particularly concerned about, I'd rattle his bones for letting himself get so bad. I mean, he's even said to me, "I'll never regret anything more than the day I started drinking this heavily. Never drink, Natalie, just don't do it." He may have been wasted when he said it, but I knew that he was sincere and in a vulnerable state when he said it. I recently saw a picture of him passed out on a stage and many have said that he felt like it was the worst show his band ever played. I agree. I wasn't even there and I know that it was.

I hope that that was an eye openner for him. I wish he would quit. I wish that fans would stop sending shots or drinks to the stage. I feel like he's just living up to the standards of a certain lifestyle.

I wish that I were close enough to him to say all of these things without offending him.

No shout out is a bad shout out.

2009-05-14T01:20:00.000-07:00

http://blog.fivedollarcover.com/?p=1118

Scroll down and look at blogville, american style or whatever. Amazing. It's gonna get taken out of context, but at least I got a mention.

I haven't been to a show in forever. If Jamie pays me this weekend, I'm taking my ass to the Hitone Sunday afternoon to see Chris Chew.

I'm hoping that I get the job I'm applying to tomorrow cause that means I could afford to go to more shows. I feel so miserable not going to a show at least once month. I'm like an addict going through withdrawls.

I'm so siked on being mentioned in that blog, fuck being taken out of context. If anything, it'll be a good laugh with the people who do know me and understand where I'm coming from.

I'm not bitter about not being the one to convert fellow Memphians into fans of Memphis music, I swear. It's just frustrating that it took MTV for my friends, who I saw countless hardcore and metal bands with, to get into the music I've loved and grown up with.

I really need to get out to more shows this summer.

2009-04-30T18:51:00.001-07:00

AUNT CLARE!

Email your number to me:
nma_fan2005@hotmail.com

A kiss will make you close your eyes, but a kiss won't make you stay.

2009-04-19T02:54:00.000-07:00

I'm so ready for the summertime. I'm ready for a visit to Destin with my sister, shows, cooking out at mine and Jamie's house, and taking long walks with Tuesday, my dog.

So, I've got an exciting oppurtunity coming my way, I asked Chris Chew if I could hang out in the studio next time he goes in to record something and he said 'yes'! I'm so excited, I'll be a kid in a candy store. I honestly can't wait to watch music be made and then buy the finished product. Chris is the nicest fella I know, he's been watching out for me since I first started going to North Mississippi Allstars' shows.(He's the bassist)

It's kinda weird that I'm just as anxious/excited about Cory recording in San Fran as he is. I've got this really great feeling about his third release, I truly believe that Mr. Cory Branan will finally find the success that he deserves and it will stick. Not MTV, but better, he'll have a career, like John Hiatt and Lyle Lovett. I have so much faith in his music.

Life has been so much better lately. I have gotten over a depression that lasted entirely too long and I've got my life back on track. I'm not exactly where I should be yet, but having my foot in the door is a start.

I have a feeling that this summer is going to be one that's very memorable, but not for any bad reasons.

Hold on to your sanity like you used to hold onto my heart....

2009-03-30T00:44:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've been able to listen to Blair Combest because I'm a silly girl. I couldn't stand the sound of his voice in almost the same way I still can't stand to hear the sound of the disease's voice. That's such an insult to his talent and his wise voice.

Shit.

He wins.

I'd love to sit down with someone and let them read my notebook. I need some validation and an unbiased opinion on what I'm doing. If that someone enjoys what I've written, that someone has every right to kick me in the ass to write some more once or twice a week.

My only complaint about my muse is that she/he/it has no real sense of time. Whenever the muse strikes, I gotta obey.

I need to stop lying awake at night letting my mind go all over the place because that's what usually leads to me hopping out of the bed right as I'm falling asleep and writing for 10 minutes to maybe 30 minutes.

How is it that I can go from writing about a girl following Dylan on tour to the female Elvis to the Sirens who run North Mississippi to 4 bullriders riding a train so that they can bury their best friend/brother? They all have one connection, my love for music.

I wish I didn't have such a hard time making friends when I actually get out of my house, which is rare. Mostly, I go to the library or the park these days, only in warm weather though.

I wish my poetry didn't suck so bad.

I wish I had a best friend that could talk back to me, my dog is my best friend.

I know I'm not the only one who knows...

2009-03-26T01:05:00.000-07:00

I always feel like every musician I know of belongs to Memphis, even if they've never lived in Memphis. Maybe it's because without this city and it's amazing history/culture, rock'n roll wouldn't exist. If those sharecroppers hadn't wanted a better way of life in the city, we wouldn't have this wonderful music.

When I look at the tourdates of my favorites, I get offended when there aren't any Memphis dates. They should make a point of playing a show here. I'm not being ridiculous, right? I know this is a tough city to make it in because the people who actually care about music are really picky and some of them are elitists to the extreme, but everyone I listen to is so talented and could easily make it here if they just took the time to do it.

On another note, I don't know if any of you watch The First 48 Hours on A&E, but that show makes me sad and intrigues me all at once. It saddens me to watch the Memphis episodes because most of the murderers on that show are babies, they can't be more than 24 years old and they're already out there killing because they don't see any other way out of their situation.

It's so sad.

I can't stand it. I had to turn the channel the other night because I was in tears by the end of it, not only because someone lost their wife, but because these are kids out there killing, kids who could have had a bright future had they had someone helping them along when they were kids.

Reality sucks. I'm so glad that I can just escape into a movie or a book or something that I'm writing. Thank God.

Good things are happening to me and I've got my foot in the door. YAY!

I think that we just need to take it easy.

2009-03-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

When do people start paying for their sins? When's the retribution for the people who've felt like they've suffered for a sin they didn't commit? And why does an innocent have to suffer because of someone else's sins? Why?

I'm really glad I'm not a vengeful person. So glad. I contemplate it, but I don't do it. Yeah, I've got a devious mind, that doesn't mean that I put it to use for bad things. Most of my devious plans these days are good and go down on paper.

Am I just supposed to stop my whole life and cater to one person or everybody else for that matter? Am I? No. The answer is no. There's nothing wrong with taking care of myself or doing stuff just for me. It's not selfish, it's taking care of myself, but apparently when I take care of myself and doing something for me it is selfish.

Whatever.

I'm not getting revenge because I don't have to. No mortal on this planet has to get revenge on anyone because it's not in our hands and the sooner some people realize this FACT, the better.

I'm sick of my love being questioned when it shouldn't even be considered to be in question. There's a difference between complete annoyance and hate. I am at complete annoyance, hate is an emotion I don't feel. I may say I hate doing something or I hate an object when it breaks, but that's me venting. Damn.

Whatever.

My life is my life, no one can take it but the Lord above. I've got a destiny that needs fulfilling.

2009-03-10T22:11:00.000-07:00

My mom is getting married.

Tell me how this is a good thing for me.

I know it's great for her, but how in the hell is it a good thing for me?

How?

How?

How?

I'm gonna be selfish and upset over this for a few weeks, excuse furture blogs where I bitch about this incessantly.

Got my mojo working, but it just don't work on you...

2009-03-07T20:28:00.000-08:00

I've been a really bad live music fan as of the past year. I get invited to so many shows by so many local artists that I absolutely ADORE, but I just can't get there cause I'm carless.

The only venue I can really go to and have a ride home is Otherlands because their shows usually end around midnight and my sister or mom or dad don't mind coming to get me. I swear to God, I'm gonna get my license and maybe my dad will start letting me keep his car on the weekends. It'll cause problems with the disease, but she can just get over it. The disease doesn't have his trust and I do. Why? Cause I actually behave the way a daughter should. ANYWAYS, hopefully that will be before summer comes around.

I really do miss going to shows practically every other weekend. I love live music, I thrive on it. I should be making more of an effort, but I'm putting my energy towards other life essentials.

So, bands and singer/songwriters, I'm sorry that I've missed your shows. It is NOT a slight against you, I swear. It has nothing to do with how good you are. Okay, one of you sucks, but you're such a nice guy that I hate to tell you and one of you is a jerk, but talented one, so I refuse to watch you play unless you're with someone I like.

Apparently, my sentence structure is good. I've always thought that my grammar and wording were shit. I mean, I'm not even sure if my placement of commas are correct.

I went up to Main St just to ease my pain...

2009-03-05T21:10:00.000-08:00

So, today I had an adventure by myself downtown. I had the best burger ever at Huey's and watched the sun set on the Mississipi River, it was awe inspiring. I even graffiti'd at Huey's, check it out when you can.(Some of it is in the gal's restroom, so if you're a boy you can't)

I wrote this while watching the sun set.

I watched the sunset
On the Mighty Mississippi
And that's when I first fell in love
With my city

The currents are strong
So are the people
And their love for the city
Makes any hometown gal proud

Just like the river
Our love will always flow
Only an earthquake
Could change our direction

On the bluff of the Mighty Mississippi
I watched the sunset
And I fell in love
With my city

I'm not sure if it's done yet, I may need to sit on the bluff one more time during a sunset. I hope I get some babysitting money some time soon. Today was beautiful, even the miles of walking I did were beautiful.

2009-02-25T16:04:00.000-08:00

Bite my non-candy necklace.

Go ahead, you know you want to. ;)

(Sheridan, you'll know what I mean when I actually get around to sending you a show report. Kinda funny, kinda lame. Idk.)

Gateway Drugs.

2009-02-19T22:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, my drug of choice is music. Every single day I feed it, it's a monster that's grown strong over the years because it's been fed by bands and singer/songwriters exposing me to other artists of the same or greater calibur. When I go without my addiction to music for even a day, I feel withdrawals. It fuels me and helps me get through the day.

Sometimes, I think that God made music especially for me to carry me through the storm that was sure to come my way. It's a pure love that I have for God and for the music that He gave me. Don't mistake me though, I know that it's art that should imitate life and life should NEVER imitate art. There are those out there who don't understand that and I feel sorry for them because they'll never create their own art.

My love for music over the years has grown because I've fallen in love the my local music scene, the best music scene in the world, the Memphis music scene. Without Memphis, our country's culture and maybe even world culture would not be what it is today.

The bands and songwriters that I've been going to see for the past 6 to 8 years have introduced me to other great local artists and older bands and songwriters that I would not have discovered on my own so soon in my very young life. Without Cory Branan I wouldn't have found John Prine or Tom Waits so soon in my lfie. Without North Mississippi Allstars I wouldn't have discovered the great bluesmen of the hill country or the old rockers from the 60s and 70s that helped Memphis get to where it is today. Without Lucero I'd have no idea who Drag the River are or who William Elliot Whitmore is or who the Fox Hunt are. Jimmy Davis introduced me to folk/bluegrass local legends and I'm so greatful, he opened my ears to a music that I thought was so outdated, but it's not.

Cory Branan, North Mississippi Allstars, Lucero, and Jimmy Davis are the ones who helped me appreciate music the right way. They're the reason that Cory tells me that I'm not an 'amateur' like most music fans my age. Loving this music has helped me appreciate a diverse selection of music and be open to a new kind of music, as long as it's of good quality of course. ;)

So, to any of you who look down your nose at a certain genre of music, give it a try. Leave a comment if you need a suggestion of what artist to listen to. I do have to warn you though, I'm not much of a metal fan and I don't know any of the names of any Celtic artists.

Music is the air in my lungs, the blood pumping in my veins, and the wild stories running around in my head.

I know where to start, a simple heart.

2009-02-14T21:11:00.001-08:00

I wonder where the sudden instinct to run and not to give up is suddenly coming from, it's so weird.

So, my mom called me out on a lot of my bullshit the other night and while the truth most certainly hurts, I know that it's coming from a loving place and my feelings aren't hurt. I feel like I can finally take responsibility for myself and not have to worry about taking care of everyone else. I got to a point where I was using everyone relying on/using me as an excuse for not living my life and doing what needs to get done.

No more.

I'm not completely cured, but I'm ready to take the first step to get my life back on track.
Finally.

It's funny that I might get something that I want, but I only want one person to leave and for the other not to suffer because I want that first person to leave.

I'm so excited for my favorite songwriters to be back in town next week. If any of you read this, which I highly doubt, drop me a line as to if we can hang out or not. I'm completely free, pitifully free, pathetically free, etc.

My dog is the best companion I've got. Get one if you don't have one.

It may be a waste of words and time, but never a waste of life

2009-01-28T23:48:00.000-08:00

And cuffs hurt worst when you've done nothing wrong...

Uncle Tupelo's Grindstone has been a big help to me lately. I love it a lot.

I've been so unsocial over the past 6 months and half of that is because I've got a shitty homelife that keeps me here, the other half is because sometimes I'm just a loner when I shouldn't be. Both of these have contributed to the fact that I feel completely friendless. Well, and I was super depressed last weekend and I called 2 friends who I thought would be there for me in one of my darkest hours, and they weren't.

This just contributes to me being even pickier about who I consider to be my friend. I know that I should cut people slack, but my heart just isn't too trusting these days.

Venting isn't helping at all. This is why I need friends, friends who will take me out and have stupid fun with me. I need stupid fun.

I've come up with some really great writing ideas and developing them over the next year or 2 is gonna be awesome. It makes me feel so good about myself when I come up with some marvelous idea that, if someone else wrote it, I'd love to read it or watch it. My writing makes me so ambitious.

I've been thinking that at some point I should go to college for my writing. It's the first time I've ever wanted to go to college. I've always been very against it in the past, but now that I know for sure what I'll be doing with my life it just seems like a logical and helpful step. The only bad thing about it is that I'm a fucking awful student, I mean AWFUL. I love to learn and absorb knowledge, but I hate school. I hate grades. I hate sitting in a classroom listening to someone teach me math or science. Ugh. I wouldn't mind studying geography, history, or a foreign language because it'll help with my writing. Of course, any english and literature class appeals to me like noneother, as long as I have a decent professor.

BUT I'm getting ahead of myself first.

I still have a few other responsibilities to take care of.

I'm still super fucking sick of living with that bitch.

And I ain't transcendin' much of nothing/I'm still down in it, I ain't free/Weren't no experiment(The Corner-Cory Branan www.myspace.com/corybranan )

So, this is the way that I feel a lot of the time these days.

2009-01-20T23:18:00.001-08:00

It's weird to read exactly how I've been feeling from a book that every other chick in my age group has read. I want to know if anyone else read this paragraph and realized that this is how they've been feeling too.

I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made its appearance.

It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my own ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.

- New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

Take from that what you will, but that's the only comfort I have right now, to know that at least one person knows the pain that I'm going through. I so wish that someone would hold me and listen to me and comfort me. That's all I want right now. That's all I need.

I just can't believe that after having such a wonderful day, my mood has gone back to this.

Fuck.

2009-01-18T11:53:00.001-08:00

The best revenge is personal success.
The best revenge is doing what's best for me.
She's not my sister anymore, if you want the truth she hasn't been a sister to me in YEARS, so I won't be helping her one tiny bit. Not at all. I haven't benefited from having her as a sister, so she won't benefit from having me as a sister.

I know that sounds harsh, but if you know the whole story then you know I'm justified in saying those things. She's gonna get what's coming to her and the funny thing is is that she's gonna serve it to herself, no one else will. No one else will be the cause of anything bad happening to her, but her.

Harsh, yet again. Yet again, if you know the story, you know I'm right.

I'm gonna succeed.
I'm gonna live my dreams.
I'm gonna take everyone BUT her with me.

I'm right, she's wrong. That's all there is to it. I did my best and she shit on it, now that's what she gets.

2009-01-16T15:47:00.000-08:00

One person can only take so much abuse before she quits completely.

You got a problem with me, I got a problem with you...

2009-01-15T17:35:00.001-08:00

I really need support right now, badly. Any way that you can encourage me would be helpful. It doesn't take much to put a smile on my face and make me feel good about myself.

Later is better than never(in some cases).

2009-01-13T19:32:00.000-08:00

So, I've decided on my 2 New Year's resolutions.

1. Get down to a size 6 by this coming NYE.
2. Return to the real me, show it, let my freak flag fly, etc.

Number one is made all the time, but I'm gonna do it! I have to, for myself.

Number two is self-preservation and being honest with myself. No more standing back and not saying anything because it might hurt someone's feelings. No more not saying anything cause it'll cause drama, I'm smart enough to know how to talk to someone and not make them angry. If that person can't appreciate my honesty, my realness; it's not my problem, it's theirs. I can't control anyone's reactions and it's not gonna affect me anymore.

I'm a really bubbly, smily person and I'm honest about how I feel and I'm not afraid to say it. I'm gonna be the Natalie that I'm proud of this year and for every year that follows. I'm gonna continue to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I'll do a better job of communicating and protecting myself and not letting my emotions run my life(at least, not completely. I'm emotional and it works for me, I just won't let myself get so down anymore).

I hate that the person that people see is depressed, bitter, resentful Natalie. That's not who I want to be.

That's gonna change right now.

Time for me to open my mouth and live my days for me, only me.

There's no one to defeat you, no one to beat you 'cept the thoughts of yourself feeling bad.

2009-01-09T18:14:00.000-08:00

I really need to reconcile with the bad feelings I have towards myself, the self-criticism. I just haven't been able to accept my flaws and move on. I can't take my own criticism and I sure as hell can't take my family's. It's just hard to forget about them, work through them, and focus on the positive.

I need to stop making everyone else's problems my own, taking on something that is completely not my responsibility. It's just hard because I feel guilt when I don't show that I care or take on someone else's problem as my responsibility. I feel like a cold, heartless person when I'm not there to be of help or to carry the emotional burden on my shoulders.

I know that I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleave, but I don't want to become too guarded and cold-hearted.

I want to do things for myself and get ahead, but I hate asking for any help from anyone. I feel like I get such a negative response from my sisters(Jamie&Bridget) whenever I ask for help, I know NOT to ask Emily cause what sort of help could she give me.

I'm sick of everyone BUT Emily dealing with her bipolar disorder, it's so exhausting. She doesn't have to deal with it because we've taken the weight of it. I don't know how to not deal with it, but still live in a positive environment. She's always there, she's always beating on my self-esteem. I build myself up and tell myself what I know is right, and then she attacks my psyche. I feel like I don't have any real support in the house and so the walls that I've built up are incredibly weak. You can't just ignore someone who knows exactly how to get to you. It's so hard.

I know that I need to socialize, but who with? I call people or send them messages, I do my best to communicate, but it feels fruitless when it's not reciporacated. I realize that people are busy and I accept it; and I'm not expecting a lot, just hanging out everysooften. I don't want to be a burden.

I wish that I didn't feel so stifled by my house, a place that's supposed to be a comfort zone and a safe place. My house is NOT a comfort zone or a safe place. It's through no fault of my dad though, at least I don't think so.

It just comes down to the fact that I need to gather my strength and do what needs to be done for me and forget anyone else's problems and not make them my own. It'll be hard, I wish that I felt like I had help through this. I'm alone and it sucks.

When I was down you just stood there grinning....

2009-01-08T19:27:00.000-08:00

My sisters(Emily&Bridget) really don't grasp that every negative comment and every time they go off on me without warrant pushes me further away from them every time. I'm at the point where I've decided to wash my hands of them once I leave Memphis. I know it's sad to say, but if you knew the shit I have to take from them then you'd do it to.

I don't deserve to be spoken to that way!

I don't tell Bridget what I think of her or Emily why she's so fucked up. I don't. I have a little something called tact and I do a little something called picking my battles. Sisters are a pain in the ass. I'm glad Bridget is moving out in a month, one less bitch to worry about.

Oh, and let me say now that Bridget was an excellent person before she let Emily and her boyfriend have so much influence over her day to day dealings, seriously. She and Jamie should've stayed living together because at least Jamie has her priorities straight and knows how to be in a healthy relationship, Emily and Bridget aren't even capable of this. Every guy Bridget has been with has taken advantage of her wonderful, kind nature and every one of those guys made her feel like he was gonna be the last guy to ever be attracted to her.

If she doesn't want me to care, then I won't. Let her marry this douche bag, I sure as hell won't go to the wedding, celebrate it or congratulate her; I congratulate him for landing one of the best, strongest women he'll ever lay his petty eyes on. She'll just get my pity for being with such a nobody. She needs to be with a real man, not a sick little manipulator.

:end rant:

So, I love writing. I love creating characters. I came up with one Friday that is absolutely fantastic, she's everything that I want to be. She's sassy, outspoken, gorgeous in a really angelic way, and an awesome musician. I'm so siked to write her story.

I'm also writing something else based on Cory Branan's song Lily( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGEqhc0CK7c ) and I asked Cory what it meant for him and all he said was that "Ovenbird" by Robert Frost inspired the chorus. At first I thought that he was giving me the easiest answer he could find, but he also told me that I was right in interpreting it as a sort of funeral march, which it is for my story.

"Ovenbird" by Robert Frost
There is a singer everyone has heard,
Loud, a mid-summer and a mid-wood bird,
Who makes the solid tree trunks sound again.
He says that leaves are old and that for flowers
Mid-summer is to spring as one to ten.
He says the early petal-fall is past
When pear and cherry bloom went down in showers
On sunny days a moment overcast;
And comes that other fall we name the fall.
He says the highway dust is over all.
The bird would cease and be as other birds
But that he knows in singing not to sing.
The question that he frames in all but words
Is what to make of a diminished thing.

Cory said that, mainly, the lines "The question that he frames in all but words/Is what to make of a diminished thing" is what inspired the chorus, and that just helped me out so much. I'm really glad that my favorite songwriter is also a friend who will help me out and inspire me with my writing when he can. We're by no means close, but we've known each other for 5 and a half years, he's watched me grow up. I've watched him grow up. I've had the honour of watching him develop his stage presence and the honour of hearing his songwriting progress.

Cory Branan is the unsung hero of rock'n roll. He doesn't write just one kind of song, he doesn't box himself in. He doesn't write just sappy love songs(none of them are sappy), crazy ass monkey songs, songs about historic events, songs about him fucking up past relationships, etc. His songwriting over the past 2 years has become so literary, you can tell that he's well-read. On the other hand, he doesn't insult your intelligence either. He realizes that some of his fans are young as shit and some are just at his show for a good time, he caters to that. He also caters to those who want something real, something to relate to. The best thing about Cory Branan is that he doesn't have the slightest clue as to how incredible he is as a musician, songwriter, and performer.

I'm done gushing, he'd have to put a sunroof on his junky ass mini-van to fit in it if I went on any longer.

=====

I got some important things done today and tomorrow I'm gonna get even more important things done. It feels good to make progress. I hate making decisions and doing the grown-up thing, but once I do it there's an immense relief in my chest and head. Thank God my dad is amazing and helps me through this stuff. He's the best man, on this planet, that I'll ever meet. God broke the mold with my dad. (Uncle Carl, laugh all you want, but it's true.)

Signin' out cause I know you're bored to tears by now,
Hurricane Natalie

He don't love you and he'll break your heart...

2009-01-01T16:38:00.000-08:00

It's taking everything that I've got not to tell Bridget's boyfriend exactly what I think of him. He's a manipulative, selfish asshole. He's way worse than any other guy she's ever been with, seriously. He's taking advantage of her good nature and making her feel like he's the last guy on this planet that will ever find her attractive in a romantic/sexual way.

It fucking frustrates me. I can't stand it. Bridget is the prettiest of us 4 girls, but she doesn't know that. I don't think she'll be in the relationship she deserves until she loves herself fully, I believe that she loves the person on the inside and hates the one on the outside. She shouldn't, she just shouldn't. I hate that she lowers her expectations and gets involved with little shits like the guy she's with now.

At least everybody else realizes how horrible he is and I'm not the only one, if only Bridget would hurry up and see it too.

My song takes me away from you...

2008-12-20T22:15:00.000-08:00

Sweet Green Grass

Gal, you look like you've been
Run over a few times,
Beat up something real good
When you gonna stick up for yourself?

The road you're on,
And where you're going
It's not too far from me,
Just give me a shout

Sweet green grass eyes,
Better let your spirit free
Those imposing stripes do you no good,
You were always meant for the bars of a soulful song

I wrote that for myself tonight. It's me talking to me, which if it were anything other than poetry it'd make me sound crazy....to be talking to me. ;)

Tonight was amazing.

Jimmy Davis hosted a Christmas songwriter circle and it was set up '68 Comeback style. Awesome stuff! I love hearing 5 great songwriters play great songs and just take the piss out of each other at any given chance. Watching friends play together is amazing.

Coach Reeves(he coached Jamie in basketball) was there and we always talk, and he embaressed me by bragging about my writing/storytelling. I'm just not used to people pouring compliments on me and telling others how wonderful I am. It's hard for my ears to hear and hard for my heart to believe, but it still felt great.

I feel like I made a breakthrough with you, like you realize where I'm coming from now. I can't believe I like you all over again, and I don't like it. I wish we could be friends, but as long as I like you this way we probably won't be. I think I'm what you need though, someone to keep you on your toes or to quote Ray Lamontagne: Feels like every time I get back on my feetshe come around and knock me down again I finally get that line in his song Trouble; he's not saying she makes him feel bad or like dirt, he's saying that she puts him in his place. I feel like when I'm ready and when you're willing to give me the chance, I could be that for you. I'd be so good to you when I'm ready.

I really shouldn't be getting my hopes up, but I am. Whatever, I'm a girl. Live and learn.

I feel so good and rejuvenated right now! That's what a good show does for me.

Since no one reads this shit anyways,

2008-12-18T23:25:00.000-08:00

I wonder what would happen if I actually died/killed myself?

Who would honestly give a fuck?

Who would be tore up by it besides my parents?

I know for sure none of the musicians I look up to in this town would give a fuck. If I'm wrong, fucking prove it.

I'm so fucking sick of being friendless.

May you have a strong foundation when the winds are changing shift...

2008-12-17T22:21:00.001-08:00

Do you know how it feels to live with a disease every single day of your life? How it feels to live with a disease that is not your own physically, but mentally it has become your own. It becomes a driving force in your life and tears apart everything you know and hold dear. It makes you resent and despise someone who you should love and admire.

The past nine years have been a lot tougher than a young lady my age should have to endure. I live with a sibling who is bipolar. Being bipolar means that you have no control of your emotions, you're never calm, your highs are really high and your lows are really low. I live with someone that, no matter whether she's high or low, she's a self-serving human being who can't look past her own problems long enough to see the problems she causes for others. She's inflicted so much emotional pain on myself and others that we all hold a resentment towards her because she has an excuse for her behaviour and we don't; if we were to treat another human being the way that she treats us, we'd be considered cold and heartless people.

I feel like a prisoner in my own home living with her. The only place that I can be away from her is in my bedroom, and even that's not sacred. Her son is allowed to bust in at any time and whenever I kick him out for some alone time, I'm considered the bad guy.

I hate that my bedroom is the only place of solace that I have. I don't have any friends that I can call for a little escapism because apparently no one wants to be my friend or we're conditional friends, meaning that when they need me I'm there and when I need them they either aren't or all that they can say is 'Awww. I'm sorry, babe.' Fuck that noise. I need a friend who will fucking rush to my side and hold me, be there for me. The only friend I have lives in Oklahoma, that doesn't do me any good. OKay, it does sometimes, but I just....

I called around yesterday, needing to get out of my house, and no one answered. Finally, my mom answered and came to pick me up from Taco Bell and I'm grateful because she put me at ease, but I'd just like for once for someone that calls themself my friend to actually be a friend to me. I know that I don't get out much, but I'm sure that you can understand why.

I just don't understand why so many people can consider me to be their friend through thick and thin, but I can't consider any of them to be MY friend through thick and thin.

It's depressing.

I'm always depressed.

Nothing makes it better.

You never were much into acting, but you know you could act a lot worse.

2008-12-13T15:08:00.001-08:00

So, after doing my chores today, I sat down to write something that's been bouncing around in my head and I couldn't put down exactly what I wanted. I mean, I put down this really great line that I came up with for my male lead to say and I wrote out a description of my female lead, but I'm just not satisfied with that.

I think that maybe this is one of those things where I need to stew it in my brain just a little bit longer. I'm gonna write a few more character descriptions though cause I need to have those locked in in my brain so I can work out the storyline. I've got the basic jist of it, but I've got to make sure all of my characters work.

Also, I'm not sure which median my story should be written in, I could always put it in both forms that I'm considering, but that would mean more work for me and I'm terminally lazy.

***************

So, I finally cleaned my wreck of a room(I'd officially earned the nickname 'Hurricane', that's how dirty it was) and it's all cozy cause my dad bought me a candle that smells like violets. I just get this instant feeling of relief when I enter my room now. If only Tuesday didn't smell like....a dog, then my room would be complete. lmao. I love my dog so much!

I already mentioned how awesome my birthday was, and it was.

Emily and I fought again this week, and it brought me some clarity. I went to my room, prayed, and opened my bible for the first time in a while. It calmed me, it brought clarity. God is good, you can believe that.

So, my birthday wasn't so shitty after all. It ruled.

2008-12-09T06:43:00.000-08:00

My dad, sisters(Jamie&Bridget, respectively), and my neighbor made it very awesome.

My neighbor, Skip, gave me a card and baloon. This pretty much made my day look a whole lot brighter. Skip is my nephew's best friend's uncle/brother(IDK, I'm kinda confused. lmao) and he's always keeping an eye on Chauncey when he(Chaun) goes over there to play. We talk once or twice a week, he's a really nice guy.

My sister, Jamie, gave me this big book of photos of the Beatles and all the captions tell you the story of their whole career. It's nuts. I've already been through the first 20+ pages and it's amazing. I was so giddy when she gave it to me!

My dad took me to Molly G's, the best Mexican restaurant you'll EVER go to. I mean it, once you go there nowhere else will do for you. From the salsa they give you right when you sit down to the 7-layer dip as an appetizer to the awesome meal, you won't regret going there. It's authentic as you can get, and if that's not testimony enough, it's ZZ Top's favortite restaurant in Memphis. Whenever they're in a 3 hour radius of Memphis, they make a big to-go order for 30 to 300 people. Back when they used to record here(7-8 albums were recorded at Ardent), Molly's was where they would eat.
(Molly G's is on Madison inbetween the Blue Monkey and Ardent Studios. Best locale ever. You can go lay a few tracks down, get something to eat, and then go drink&dance all within walking distance.)

ALSO, my dad got me amazing birthday presents. He took me to Spin Street and got me this big book/5-CD, 1-DVD thing for THE BAND(one of my all time faves), a John Hartford CD, and a Melanie CD. Yeah, this pretty much blew everyone else outta the water. I love my dad. :)
Bridget made my birthday good simply by being the first to text me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU!!!!!" That made me smile really big. She's a good big sister. She and my mom are taking me out to dinner some time this week. I'm siked.

So, yeah, I had a birthday I didn't think I'd get. It was really, really awesome.

2008-12-08T03:07:00.000-08:00

I'm 19 today.

Ugh.

I've been dreading this.

Why?
Because I'm not where I'm supposed to be right now and it pisses me off. It pisses me off that I can't get off my ass and get shit done. I need to, for my own sake, get out of this house and start living life the way that I'm supposed to.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/STsfsssnlCI/AAAAAAAAHe0/EgBsW4Yjh8c/s1600-h/drama.jpg

That postcard from PostSecret this week is what I want 5 years from now. As much as I love my sisters, I don't want to be a part of their drama. I love the kids and I'll keep in contact with them, but my sisters won't get that privilige. I will keep in close contact with my parents though cause they've done their best with me.

This is the kind of love I hope and pray for.

2008-12-04T05:27:00.000-08:00

I don't have this kind of love yet, but I hope to have it someday. I hope that I'm able to recognize it.

This is a love letter to no one that I just wrote. There's no specific person that I have in mind, but I know that he's out there.

Love of mine,

Only you can make me love the way that I do. You took a dreamer and you woke her up. You took a caged bird and taught her how to fly. I can never thank you enough for showing me the way to love. I’d lost myself somewhere along the way, and you helped to find me.
You put up with so much when it comes to me, my faults are many and varied. My emotions make me act erratically and my passions, outside of you, make me ignore everyone around me, including you. Love, you bring me back down to earth, back down from the celestial dreams of mine.
I not only give you my heart and gratitude, but my soul too. For God sent you to save it from the broken road it had been led to by deceitful and hateful hearts. You saw a heart that beats with only hope and love for the world, and you felt a soul that is as green as it is weathered by the cruelties of the world around us.
I pray that each day that passes us; the love we share grows stronger, more joyful, and wiser with age. Know that my heart and my soul is tied to yours forevermore.

-Love of yours

2008-12-01T18:34:00.000-08:00

It's pathetic when you go out and the only way that you can have a good time is to get drunk/wasted. It's especially pathetic when you're 28 with 2 kids and a house.

I can't wait until my sisters are just something I talk about every once in a while without giving it much thought afterwards.

2008-11-25T21:11:00.001-08:00

It's so interesting when you decide what kinds of people you'd like in your life and what kind you want to steer clear from and those who you'd like in your life, but at arm's length.

Growing up is an odd feeling. Sometimes, if you slow down, take a step out of your body and just look back at yourself, you can feel the change. You can see the change.

I hope that I can spread this growth into other areas of my life.

Could it be you found another game to play?

2008-11-21T01:29:00.000-08:00

I haven't had a really thought provoking conversation with anyone in a long while. This really upsets me because I get a lot out of those types of conversations. After I have them, I take the views of the other party/parties and then take mine, and I try to see where they match up and maybe if I should change a few of my views on things.

And I just enjoy the bonding of it. I think that sometimes people get a very narrow view of me when they don't take the time to have a proper sit-down heart to heart conversation with me. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think that people assume that I'm much more close minded than I actually am. In all honesty, I'm very open to new ideas and I enjoy learning about another person's perspective on what's going on around her/him.

I really just need to get a lot out of me about a lot of different subjects, whether it be personal or musical or whatever. I don't exactly live with people that I can have these thought provoking conversations with without pissing the other person off because I have a totally different view on the subject at hand.

I really need to start writing some of my stories and I need to start putting my script in chronilogical order too.(Don't ask how a script cannot be in chronilogical order, it makes sense to me.)

I really wish I were closer friends with a certain someone. I've known him for so long and not being close friends with him kills me. I wonder how he would react if we were actually able to sit down and talk through shit.

And there's someone else that I wanted to have a chance with that I don't really want to go beyond a fan to singer/songwriter basis with now. These days when we're at the same place, he's the one that has to say 'hello' cause I just don't want to talk to someone who doesn't want to pursue a friendship with my when I so earnestly pursued one with him for a few months. Fuck it. Ball's in his court now and it'll stay there cause he obviously doesn't want to go beyond a fan to singer/songwriter basis. This shit just sucks though, but I'm so over it.

I kinda wanna rub it in is face that I still love the former very much and very much want to be the former's friends. I'm a bitch, I know, but once when I invited the latter to dinner he asked, "Has the former ever been over to your house for dinner?" I answer, "No." He says back, "Then I'm definetely coming." He didn't come, his car supposedly broke down.

Why am I rehashing the past? Why? I guess because of my lack of a social life over the past 6 months. I really haven't been to that many shows, I mean it may be a lot for others, but normally I attend more shows. I just haven't felt very social and sometimes I just can't get out of the house cause of my responsibilities to the kid.

Speaking of the kid, I'm dealing with his temper a lot better now. There are just moments where I get so frustrated, but I do my damndest not to show it cause I know me getting upset in front of him never helps the situations. Actually, me getting upset usually makes his temper tantrums worse. I find that if I hug him and tell him that I love him through out the day, during the night his temper tantrums aren't nearly as bad. The kid just has this deeprooted anger inside of him and whatever he seems to be angry at on the surface; I have to remember that he's not angry about that, it goes so much deeper than that. I love him, he's such a sweetheart and he's so intelligent and witty and imaginative it makes me love him more and more every single day.

I hate that I'm having these motherly type issues years before I even become a mother. I'm convinced that I'm gonna have to leave Memphis for a few years to just have freedom from it before I can even think about having my own kids. I have a few names picked out. They're awesome.

Boys: Levon James, Theodore Laurence, and Jackson Taylor.

Girls: Sophia Hazel and Evangeline Leigh

The 'L' names are sort of a tradition with my mom's side of the family, broken by me and, my sister, Bridget as our full names are: Natalie John Bussjaeger and Bridget Olivia Bussjaeger. Feel free to call my sister 'Bob' or 'Bobino' as those are her nicknames. :) (Although I'm partial to calling her Briggetta these days.)

Enough of my rambling. I think I'll go get some housework done and then start writing before the kid wakes up.

Change is hard, I should know...

2008-11-17T20:30:00.000-08:00

I've got no motivation whatsoever.

None.

Zilch.

I've got so much shit I KNOW that I need to get done, I go over it in my head every night, and people are telling me repeatedly things that I already know, but there's just no motivational force pushing me to do it. And this just doesn't make sense because I have every reason in the world to get going and I just can't. I have no idea what is holding me back.

I really wish something would happen to make me get up off my ass.

I better be careful what I wish for...

I get to have a porn name? Cool, then I'd like it to be Pete Jones.

2008-11-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'm at my wits end with watching Chauncey every night for Emily.

I just am.

Lord, knows that I love that boy with all that I am, but his behaviour as of the past month has been atrocious. I have no fucking clue what to do with him. It comes from a lack of parenting. The poor boy is an orphan with at least one parent that is clearly present in his life. How sad is that?

Emily picks and chooses when she wants to shoulder some sort of responsibility for him and when she gets sick of it she hands him off to Jamie, Bridget, and(majority of the time) me. The problem with her handing him off to me is that she is constantly telling him that I'm stupid and not to listen to me, that I'm mean, and that 'sometimes I want to hit Natalie too, but you can't do that.' How does she expect him to obey me and do as I tell him when she says shit like that?

And if, according to her, I'm such a horrible babysitter why hasn't she found a different person? Oh, I know! She doesn't have to pay me and she'd have to pay someone else to watch her bratty kid.

I'm really losing my steam on all of this.
Fuck. I need to find my SS card, get an ID, and get a job that keeps me out of the house and away from her and the kid.

On a much happier note, I went and saw the new Kevin Smith movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Awesome stuff. My subject line is actually something that Jason Mewes' says and Jason Mewes is my current celeb crush.

In case you didn't know, Kevin Smith writes some of the best dialogue you'll ever hear, knows how to get an actor excited about his/her role, and he really delivers with this movie. It's a comedy, but he mixed in just the right amount of romance so that the romance didn't take over the comedy, but was still very touching and sweet. Does that make sense? I think that it does. Elizabeth Banks, Seth Rogan, Jeff Anderson(he plays Randall in Clerks), Ricky Maybe(I can't remember how to spell it), and Craig Robinson were awesome. Wow. Oh, and Traci Lords did awesome too. I'm glad I went cause that movie was totally worth the 5 bucks that I paid, and more.

I wondered around the mall before the movie and let me just say this, I'm a fool for dudes that have accents so thick that I can barely understand them. Two of my finger nails are now shinier than the others and will be that way for 2 weeks. AND, I'm considering going back to buy the product. Yeah, say what you will, but I'm a chick who likes cute guys with accents.

I'm gonna try and get a shitload of writing done tomorrow. I hope that I do! I really need to, I've been getting lazy in that area.

What OBAMA winning means to me.

2008-11-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

It means change.
It means that my niece and nephews have a brighter future ahead of them.
I was able to grab my nephew and show him that our president is the same color as him, Obama's mommy is white and his daddy is black, just like his mommy and daddy.

I was on the phone with Sheridan just being a blubbering idiot along with her over the fact that Obama won and Chauncey was watching CNN and he kept coming up to me telling me that the TV told him that he could be president too, that he could be anything that he wants. That's what this election proves, it proves that the color of your skin does not dictate what you're able to achieve.

Race aside, I do believe that Obama is the best man for the job. To the people who bring up his youth and his 'inexperience', I have one word for you: Kennedy.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-22T21:25:00.001-07:00

I'm sick to death of jam bands and white hill country blues bands.

I just am.

Hill Country Revue and North Mississippi Allstars should be the only white dudes allowed to play hill country blues.

Why?

Cause they don't try to recreate the exact sound.
Cause they've got soul and the other white acts just don't.

I'm also sick to death of dudes starting bands just for the heck of it, cause they can. That should not be allowed. There are too many bands and singer/songwriters out there with no talent who get popular because they're cute and can string a bunch of cliches together into an alright song. Music is a serious fucking thing, it's art. If you're not an artist, then don't do it. Not everyone is an artist and you have to come to terms with that. Just because you're a music enthusiast and you can talk intelligently about music does not give you permission to pick up a guitar, start writing songs, and join a band. I think that if some people would get this through their thick skulls the industry wouldn't be such a fucking mess and the people with actual talent would have an easier time getting noticed.

It's sad that Cory Branan or Lucero can't be really huge rockstars because talentless fucks like Colbie Callait and Nickelback are in the way. Yeah, the latter can write a pop hit, but can they write something timeless the way that Cory and Ben have? No, they can't. "Bubbly" or whatever is gonna be forgotten in a year or two. Nickelback is off the fucking radar.

It all goes back to money though, Cory won't make anybody any money so they won't support him. It sucks.

That's my rant.

You better take the hand of the Lord or the right hand of the devil. You better take it like a man!

2008-10-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

The title of this blog is a line from a Caleb Sweazy song. Caleb is absolutely amazing. Wow. More on that later.

Warning: I'm gonna go on and on and on about music and my writing in this, so git ruddy!(or get ready...whatever.)

This week has been such an inspiring week in a really musical way.
Hell, it's just been a great week for me and my favorite vice, music.

Wednesday night I saw Lyle Lovett and John Hiatt perform together at the Orpheum.

First of all, let me just say that the Orpheum is one of my favorite venues of all time. I saw Ben Harper, Jonny Lang, John Prine, North Mississippi Allstars, Cory Branan, and Lucero there. Amazing. The place is so beautiful and filled with a great history in Memphis. This year is its 80th birthday and what better way for me to celebrate it then to go see these two living legends, right?

Lyle Lovett and John Hiatt were onstage together with their acoustics just shootin' the shit, telling stories, and playing really amazing songs that I absolutely am in love with. It lasted 2 and a half hours and I cried for the first hour. Tears of joy. I mean, I've been raised on their songs and just soaking it all in. I was just in complete awe of these 2 men. And what I love most about them is that they are both music fans, through and through. I'm sure that if I had the chance to shower them with compliments, they wouldn't think twice about 'em after I left.

I believe that if you put John and Lyle's songs together you've got a songbook on how to love a Southern woman. It's so true. Their songs are how I'd like my husband to love me when I get married. I'm pretty sure I want Lyle's song North Dakota to be the first song my husband and I dance to at our reception. Oh, but I'm so fickle I'll probably change my mind in a few months. Ah, well. I'll try to stay true to this song.

This morning, while at my sister's place watching the munchkins, I get a call from Shangri-La Records saying that my Rick Danko LP had come in. I told 'em I'd be in midtown that day and they promised to hold it for me. Damn. I'm so lucky to have found this. It's a rarity, I'm tellin' ya. Completely worth the 20 bucks and 25 cents that I paid for it. I can't wait to whip out my dad's record player and do 2 things: 1)Listen to this sweet vinyl gift from God and 2)Record it onto the computer so that I can put it onto a CD.

Why I've been searching for this LP:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2WRijXGfho
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbzB9stgfdQ

Awesome, right? Rick as a performer was just so raw and passionate. I love it. He, along with every other member, was such an essential part of the Band.

Tonight I had the pleasure of spending my evening absorbing good live music and having awesome conversations and writing down new awesome ideas at Otherlands.

The awesome conversations gave me an oppurtunity to have actual adult conversations with people I have things in common with. I love Chauncey, but what you can discuss with a 4 year old is limited. Katelyn, her Aussie friend, Mason, James, Dan, Colin, and Mike are great people, I love 'em. I love to talk and they were genuinely interested in all that I said, or so I thought I saw by the expressions on their faces and what I heard by their responses.

Caleb Sweazy could be knocked down by a strong wind. He looks like what I imagine Hank Williams and Woody Guthrie look like. His songs are so amazing and I'm so mad at myself for not giving him a chance long before tonight. He inspired me to write this:

Kind Words
Only when I fell through the cracks
Only then did you search me out
But I didn't lose any sleep
The thought of you didn't drive me wild

Don't walk away darlin',
I only meant it in the kindest way
You know I'll only say kind words
About you and I
And how we'll never be

My mama musta called you
Probably told you it was your fault
Your fault that I'm worse for wear
She only said it cause
Mama don't like to see any fault in her baby child

She calls me angel heart
And you best believe I am
You best believe that the best of hearts
Raise a little hell sometimes
Some of the best hearts can fall through the cracks

Babe, you're a fair weather man
You're a roll with the punches man
You're the man who falls for everything

Don't walk away darlin',
I only meant it in the kindest way
You know I'll only say kind words
About you and I
And how we'll never be

I don't think that it's done yet, maybe it is. Huh. I have no clue.

Dan Montgomery was just amazing as usual. He's a Southern songwriter and he does us proud, even if he is from Jersey.

Colin Gilmore is Texas, from his sweet west Texas accent to his cowboy boots to his songs to his guitar slinging style. He exudes charm and kindness. I've been bugging the hell outta him since Folk Alliance Conference back in February to bring his ass back to Memphis. Like we agreed on tonight: Austin is a hole, but Memphis is a hole with a gravity pull. So true, so very true. His set(I missed the last few songs) was just inspiring. It was everything I expected from him and more. I loved Texas before, but now I love it even more.

I love writing. I have a love/hate relationship with my muse. It strikes when it damn well pleases and my ass had better adhere to it. I love that I haven't settled on one median of writing; I love writing poetry, short stories, and I'm working on that ever challenging script. I found my place in the world. God is good.

www.myspace.com/colingilmore

2008-10-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

My 3 favorite Texans are Lyle Lovett, Willie Nelson, and Colin Gilmore.

I dare anyone to disagree that those 3 fellas are in fact the coolest Texans around. :)

And I'm just like that bird, oooooohhhhhh, singing just for you.

2008-10-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

It's such an amazing thing when the muse hits you in the head and you just sit down and write something. It's a wonderful feeling, you feel like you're really making some progress, like you're getting somewhere.

Right now, I'm trying to write this script about a girl named Ramona who decides to follow Bob Dylan's first tour since his motorcycle accident in 1966. It's set in January and February of 1974. I've done research on the tour and just a few minutes ago I wrote a scene and started planning a soundtrack.

I won't divulge what the scene is and what I've told you about this project so far is probably all you'll find out until it's finished. I'm so happy with it. I've really found my niche in this world, I'm good at something.

I'll give you my ideas for the soundtrack.

1.To Ramona-Blair Combest
2.Blowin' in the Wind-Chris Chew(bassist for North Mississippi Allstars)
3.You're a Big Girl-Cory Branan
4.If You See Her, Say Hello-John Elliot and the Hereafter
5.Maggie's Farm-Colin Gilmore

That's all I have so far and I'm NOT open to suggestion cause this is my baby. HAHAHA! ;)

I'm in love with being creative and creating things.

2008-10-09T02:30:00.001-07:00

Why have thoughts of being a screenwriter/filmmaker suddenly entered my brainwaves? As if I need more castles in the sky! Don't I have enough?

It's frustrating.

My brain keeps stretching and reaching new bounds, and it's hard to keep up with.

Oh, and Bob Dylan, or at least the idea of him, has suddenly become a central theme. Maybe you'll read it or see it one day.

2008-10-07T22:09:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize that I don't really have any friends outside of my dog. If I knew how to play guitar then I could say that my only friends were my dog and my guitar. What a helluva way to live!

Don't misunderstand me though, there are tons of people out there that can count me as their friend, but I don't really count them as my friend. Why? Because I haven't really found anyone that meets my definition of a friend. Okay, maybe Ryan does, but I hardly ever see her. It's not her fault though cause I know that she's really busy these days. Whenever we talk she blames herself and calls herself a 'bitch' and a 'horrible friend', but I just don't see it that way.

Katelyn got hit by a car the other day. I just found out today. It really affected me because I've been hit by a car and I know the feeling. I know that I put a lot of fear in the hearts of the ones that I love. It's just such a hard thing to go through and it changes you, it changes you forever. You're more cautious and you hate it when others aren't as cautious as you are.

I need some adventure in my life. I've decided to move to Ireland in 2 years time. I have no idea how long I'll live there, I guess as long as the government will allow me without becoming a citizen.

I have so many big dreams. I'm gonna live 'em whether my family likes it or not. Fuck it. I'm my own person and, with the exception of my parents, they don't know me at all.

I have a weird yellow mark on my right breast that looks like a bruise, but when I press hard on it it doesn't hurt like a bruise would hurt when you press on it. I plan on ignoring this. If my boob falls off, so be it. I'm sure there's some perverted freak out there that likes a woman with one boob, right? Right. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! It's nothing. Just me and my silly thoughts.

I see my light come shining From the west unto the east.Any day now, any day now,I shall be released.

2008-10-04T19:55:00.000-07:00

You get to a certain point in your life when you realize what kind of people are harmful to your survival, your self-preservation. Every moment spent with those people after coming to this realization then becomes a chore that chips away at your very being.

Sometimes these people can be your family, and while you love them, you know that it's best that you keep them at arm's length. You know that after you've given them every chance, but every chance is turned into a game or accusation or even a misunderstanding. You give up on trying with these people because you don't see the point. You don't see the other person trying to return your efforts or affections.

Eventually, the person who is a poison in your life, the vinegar to your water, needs to be put out of your life. Maybe not completely out of your life, but out of personal affairs and decisions. Some people just don't deserve to be a part of your life.

To quote Nikki Giovani:
There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don't expect you to save the world I do think it's not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect.

I love it when someone takes the words right out of my mouth.

I can't wait to be free of my chains.

I love Eric Clapton and Luther Dickinson.

2008-10-03T17:17:00.001-07:00

So, I was sitting on my backporch just enjoying listening to my iPod and hanging out with my best pal in the world, Tuesday.(my dog) All of the sudden, Little Wing(the Derek and the Dominoes version) comes on and I'm taken to a world of love and peace, and it just moves me.

I get to thinking that I absolutely admire Clapton's career. From the Yardbirds to Blind Faith to Cream to his solo career, the man is absolutely amazing. Music buffs, blues purists, and housewives all love him. He seamlessly moved from project to project and contributed a really great music catalogue to the history of rock'n roll.

I want that kind of career for Luther Dickinson. I think that him being in the Black Crowes is absolutely brilliant. I think that he should continue to try out new projects. He's got this style that's absolutely his; it's a little bit Johnny Winter, a little bit Jimi Hendrix, a lot Duane Allman, and ALL Luther Andrew Dickinson. I think that he's ambitious enough to have the versatility it takes to be a part of several different bands and then later in his career do solo stuff. I know a lot of the Allstars fanbase would balk at me for even suggesting Luther do something as a solo artist, but it just makes so much sense to me.

Right now, though, he needs to stick to adding his flavor to a bunch of bands. He's got so much skill and soul in his fingertips that you can't help but to be in awe of his playing. You can tell when you watch him that playing guitar is all he's ever gonna wanna do for a living. It's like when he picks one up, it becomes a part of his body an extra limb if you can imagine that. He's so fluid and it pours out of him so easily that watching him, as guitarist, would either encourage you to do better or make you wanna quit. ;)

Enough of my talking about him, let this video speak for his playing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6PEtwqudHo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT8-2PIDMvI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHUXUDJSVjo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DwQmCws97Q

Radical Ideas.

2008-10-02T13:21:00.001-07:00

I'd like to state right now that I could really care less if you disagree with/are angered by the things in this blog. These are my beliefs and I hope that I'm able to express them well.
These thoughts have been going 'round in my head since the 8th grade. They've been growing and developing into very strong and unmoveable(is that repetitive?) beliefs. I feel this so strongly because my head and my heart cannot hold themselves back and cannot ignore these things.
In learning about slavery and the civil rights movement, I came to my own conclusions and I feel like they're radical in their own way.
In my eyes, slavery did not end until the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Segregation is just another form of, another word for slavery. Segregation in schools, housing, or hiring is a way to keep a people from the inalienable rights that they were born with, it's enslavement. It's keeping them in the place that you think they should stay at, a low place in this world.
I'm so grateful for the civil rights movement because it opened the eyes of the citizens of this country, of this world to the injustices that were being served to our fellow human beings.
Even today, the civil rights movement continues, only today it's not just racial prejudices that we're fighting. It's the prejudices that we show to our gay, lesbian, and bisexual brothers and sisters.
Your sexuality is not what should define you. Yes, I'm a straight female, but that's not how I want to be defined. I want to be known as a daughter, sister, and friend; on my epitaph it won't say: Natalie was a heterosexual female. It will say: Natalie was a daughter, sister, and friend.
I think that the reason that this country doesn't pay attention to the civil rights movement today is because majority of this country are so close minded to different kinds of love. Love is love is love. I believe that as long as you are a decent, law abiding, and loving person you deserve the same rights as I. Yes, I'm a Christian, but I don't consider the ignorant fools who call homosexuality a disgrace are truly Christians. I don't believe they are Christians when they speak with disgust in their voices and hate in their hearts for a fellow human being.
I don't believe that the fight is being fought loudly enough.
I, also, don't believe that racial injustice has been stopped completely. I believe that Asian Americans and Mexican Americans are still being treated poorly and are suffering the same exact injustices that African Americans did and still do suffer. There's still a lot to be done and said before 'equality' and 'democracy' can be said and used by every person in this country.
I believe that once these things are achieved that it is then our job to help any other country that expresses a want for equality and democracy in their own country. I believe that we should only help those who ask for it, whether it be the government that asks for help or the people of the country themselves. It's none of United State's business to butt into a country's affairs unless the circumstance is dire and the people are not able to voice their need for help.

I'm a humanitarian. Put that on my epitaph too.

Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.

2008-10-02T13:20:00.002-07:00

I used to think that my ideas, thoughts and life experiences were less than those of the people that I look up to and am in a sort of awe of. I thought that no one would want to hear what I have to say because my life isn't some epic story or it isn't filled with all of these struggles and hardships.
That just isn't true. People want to hear about someone living a common life and hear their childhood stories, as simple as they are. That's what's interesting. Writers aren't writers because they led/are leading an incredibly interesting life. They're writers because they've got these grandeous ideas, these idyllic views on life that they must express or life just doesn't feel lived in. I have to write because I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to myself and to the world. Imagine if Bob Dylan or William Shakespeare had decided that their life and ideas just weren't as interesting as everyone elses. Just imagine.
I'm not Dylan and I'm no Shakespeare, but I have to put my thoughts out there. No one's thoughts are worthless. Some people are either not clever enough to express them or are too frightened of the outside world and how it may react to what they say, sing, or write.

Just write. I'm not brilliant, by any means, but I have to do it because I have to breath.

Yeah, I'm calling you an alcoholic.

2008-10-02T13:20:00.001-07:00

Rock'n Roll Hero

You know, you used to be like a hero to me
I'd stand in my spot
You'd be on that stage
And the songs that were played
Sounded like they were just for me

So, go ahead and take that next drink
Let it burn in your throat,
Let it numb all the pain
You'll cause a big scene
You'll have a grand ole time
Tomorrow morning it will all be a blur
But tomorrow night you'll be at it again

Rock'n roll hero,
What happened to you?
Was it that fire inside you,
Did it all burn away?
Cause people could see it
It shone for miles and miles

Rock'n roll hero,
Can't you hear what you're playin'?
You stand up so tall
On that big stage
All the kids are loving it
They think you're loving them too

Rock'n roll hero,
What town are you in?
Your girl has stopped calling you
You've lost all of your friends
Yeah, you feel the pain
Things will never be the same

Rock'n roll hero,
The bottle took your wings
Never had that halo,
But you always had the wings
The bottle must have been so alluring,
The promises it told you
Yeah, you let the bottle take your wings

Never again will it be the same
When you grace that stage
I will not be there
You'll stumble through the songs
The crowd will give great applause
Cause you were once a
Rock'n roll hero

This was written Tuesday morning around 6:15am. It's one of those things where you get up and write it and think how effin' brilliant you are, but then you read it again and it ain't THAT great.

I swear, this is NOT aimed at anyone in particular. Take it how you want to.

So, yeah, I'm a copycat.

2008-10-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just want to write blog after blog and it seems kinda pathetic to do it on myshrine, like "Is this all you do? Post blogs on myshrine?"

I guess Sheridan and her friends starting blogs on here sorta influenced me even though I'm already on livejournal.com and myshrine. Ah, well!

The next 3 blogs will be ones that I posted on myspace, but I want 'em on here too. :)

-Hurricane Natalie