Hold on to your sanity like you used to hold onto my heart....

It's been a while since I've been able to listen to Blair Combest because I'm a silly girl. I couldn't stand the sound of his voice in almost the same way I still can't stand to hear the sound of the disease's voice. That's such an insult to his talent and his wise voice.

Shit.

He wins.



I'd love to sit down with someone and let them read my notebook. I need some validation and an unbiased opinion on what I'm doing. If that someone enjoys what I've written, that someone has every right to kick me in the ass to write some more once or twice a week.

My only complaint about my muse is that she/he/it has no real sense of time. Whenever the muse strikes, I gotta obey.

I need to stop lying awake at night letting my mind go all over the place because that's what usually leads to me hopping out of the bed right as I'm falling asleep and writing for 10 minutes to maybe 30 minutes.

How is it that I can go from writing about a girl following Dylan on tour to the female Elvis to the Sirens who run North Mississippi to 4 bullriders riding a train so that they can bury their best friend/brother? They all have one connection, my love for music.

I wish I didn't have such a hard time making friends when I actually get out of my house, which is rare. Mostly, I go to the library or the park these days, only in warm weather though.

I wish my poetry didn't suck so bad.

I wish I had a best friend that could talk back to me, my dog is my best friend.

I know I'm not the only one who knows...

I always feel like every musician I know of belongs to Memphis, even if they've never lived in Memphis. Maybe it's because without this city and it's amazing history/culture, rock'n roll wouldn't exist. If those sharecroppers hadn't wanted a better way of life in the city, we wouldn't have this wonderful music.

When I look at the tourdates of my favorites, I get offended when there aren't any Memphis dates. They should make a point of playing a show here. I'm not being ridiculous, right? I know this is a tough city to make it in because the people who actually care about music are really picky and some of them are elitists to the extreme, but everyone I listen to is so talented and could easily make it here if they just took the time to do it.

On another note, I don't know if any of you watch The First 48 Hours on A&E, but that show makes me sad and intrigues me all at once. It saddens me to watch the Memphis episodes because most of the murderers on that show are babies, they can't be more than 24 years old and they're already out there killing because they don't see any other way out of their situation.

It's so sad.

I can't stand it. I had to turn the channel the other night because I was in tears by the end of it, not only because someone lost their wife, but because these are kids out there killing, kids who could have had a bright future had they had someone helping them along when they were kids.

Reality sucks. I'm so glad that I can just escape into a movie or a book or something that I'm writing. Thank God.

Good things are happening to me and I've got my foot in the door. YAY!

I think that we just need to take it easy.

When do people start paying for their sins? When's the retribution for the people who've felt like they've suffered for a sin they didn't commit? And why does an innocent have to suffer because of someone else's sins? Why?

I'm really glad I'm not a vengeful person. So glad. I contemplate it, but I don't do it. Yeah, I've got a devious mind, that doesn't mean that I put it to use for bad things. Most of my devious plans these days are good and go down on paper.

Am I just supposed to stop my whole life and cater to one person or everybody else for that matter? Am I? No. The answer is no. There's nothing wrong with taking care of myself or doing stuff just for me. It's not selfish, it's taking care of myself, but apparently when I take care of myself and doing something for me it is selfish.

Whatever.

I'm not getting revenge because I don't have to. No mortal on this planet has to get revenge on anyone because it's not in our hands and the sooner some people realize this FACT, the better.


I'm sick of my love being questioned when it shouldn't even be considered to be in question. There's a difference between complete annoyance and hate. I am at complete annoyance, hate is an emotion I don't feel. I may say I hate doing something or I hate an object when it breaks, but that's me venting. Damn.

Whatever.

My life is my life, no one can take it but the Lord above. I've got a destiny that needs fulfilling.

My mom is getting married.

Tell me how this is a good thing for me.

I know it's great for her, but how in the hell is it a good thing for me?

How?

How?

How?




I'm gonna be selfish and upset over this for a few weeks, excuse furture blogs where I bitch about this incessantly.

Got my mojo working, but it just don't work on you...

I've been a really bad live music fan as of the past year. I get invited to so many shows by so many local artists that I absolutely ADORE, but I just can't get there cause I'm carless.

The only venue I can really go to and have a ride home is Otherlands because their shows usually end around midnight and my sister or mom or dad don't mind coming to get me. I swear to God, I'm gonna get my license and maybe my dad will start letting me keep his car on the weekends. It'll cause problems with the disease, but she can just get over it. The disease doesn't have his trust and I do. Why? Cause I actually behave the way a daughter should. ANYWAYS, hopefully that will be before summer comes around.

I really do miss going to shows practically every other weekend. I love live music, I thrive on it. I should be making more of an effort, but I'm putting my energy towards other life essentials.

So, bands and singer/songwriters, I'm sorry that I've missed your shows. It is NOT a slight against you, I swear. It has nothing to do with how good you are. Okay, one of you sucks, but you're such a nice guy that I hate to tell you and one of you is a jerk, but talented one, so I refuse to watch you play unless you're with someone I like.

Apparently, my sentence structure is good. I've always thought that my grammar and wording were shit. I mean, I'm not even sure if my placement of commas are correct.

I went up to Main St just to ease my pain...

So, today I had an adventure by myself downtown. I had the best burger ever at Huey's and watched the sun set on the Mississipi River, it was awe inspiring. I even graffiti'd at Huey's, check it out when you can.(Some of it is in the gal's restroom, so if you're a boy you can't)

I wrote this while watching the sun set.

I watched the sunset
On the Mighty Mississippi
And that's when I first fell in love
With my city

The currents are strong
So are the people
And their love for the city
Makes any hometown gal proud

Just like the river
Our love will always flow
Only an earthquake
Could change our direction

On the bluff of the Mighty Mississippi
I watched the sunset
And I fell in love
With my city

I'm not sure if it's done yet, I may need to sit on the bluff one more time during a sunset. I hope I get some babysitting money some time soon. Today was beautiful, even the miles of walking I did were beautiful.