I haven't had a really thought provoking conversation with anyone in a long while. This really upsets me because I get a lot out of those types of conversations. After I have them, I take the views of the other party/parties and then take mine, and I try to see where they match up and maybe if I should change a few of my views on things.
And I just enjoy the bonding of it. I think that sometimes people get a very narrow view of me when they don't take the time to have a proper sit-down heart to heart conversation with me. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think that people assume that I'm much more close minded than I actually am. In all honesty, I'm very open to new ideas and I enjoy learning about another person's perspective on what's going on around her/him.
I really just need to get a lot out of me about a lot of different subjects, whether it be personal or musical or whatever. I don't exactly live with people that I can have these thought provoking conversations with without pissing the other person off because I have a totally different view on the subject at hand.
I really need to start writing some of my stories and I need to start putting my script in chronilogical order too.(Don't ask how a script cannot be in chronilogical order, it makes sense to me.)
I really wish I were closer friends with a certain someone. I've known him for so long and not being close friends with him kills me. I wonder how he would react if we were actually able to sit down and talk through shit.
And there's someone else that I wanted to have a chance with that I don't really want to go beyond a fan to singer/songwriter basis with now. These days when we're at the same place, he's the one that has to say 'hello' cause I just don't want to talk to someone who doesn't want to pursue a friendship with my when I so earnestly pursued one with him for a few months. Fuck it. Ball's in his court now and it'll stay there cause he obviously doesn't want to go beyond a fan to singer/songwriter basis. This shit just sucks though, but I'm so over it.
I kinda wanna rub it in is face that I still love the former very much and very much want to be the former's friends. I'm a bitch, I know, but once when I invited the latter to dinner he asked, "Has the former ever been over to your house for dinner?" I answer, "No." He says back, "Then I'm definetely coming." He didn't come, his car supposedly broke down.
Why am I rehashing the past? Why? I guess because of my lack of a social life over the past 6 months. I really haven't been to that many shows, I mean it may be a lot for others, but normally I attend more shows. I just haven't felt very social and sometimes I just can't get out of the house cause of my responsibilities to the kid.
Speaking of the kid, I'm dealing with his temper a lot better now. There are just moments where I get so frustrated, but I do my damndest not to show it cause I know me getting upset in front of him never helps the situations. Actually, me getting upset usually makes his temper tantrums worse. I find that if I hug him and tell him that I love him through out the day, during the night his temper tantrums aren't nearly as bad. The kid just has this deeprooted anger inside of him and whatever he seems to be angry at on the surface; I have to remember that he's not angry about that, it goes so much deeper than that. I love him, he's such a sweetheart and he's so intelligent and witty and imaginative it makes me love him more and more every single day.
I hate that I'm having these motherly type issues years before I even become a mother. I'm convinced that I'm gonna have to leave Memphis for a few years to just have freedom from it before I can even think about having my own kids. I have a few names picked out. They're awesome.
Boys: Levon James, Theodore Laurence, and Jackson Taylor.
Girls: Sophia Hazel and Evangeline Leigh
The 'L' names are sort of a tradition with my mom's side of the family, broken by me and, my sister, Bridget as our full names are: Natalie John Bussjaeger and Bridget Olivia Bussjaeger. Feel free to call my sister 'Bob' or 'Bobino' as those are her nicknames. :) (Although I'm partial to calling her Briggetta these days.)
Enough of my rambling. I think I'll go get some housework done and then start writing before the kid wakes up.
No comments:
Post a Comment