There's no one to defeat you, no one to beat you 'cept the thoughts of yourself feeling bad.

I really need to reconcile with the bad feelings I have towards myself, the self-criticism. I just haven't been able to accept my flaws and move on. I can't take my own criticism and I sure as hell can't take my family's. It's just hard to forget about them, work through them, and focus on the positive.

I need to stop making everyone else's problems my own, taking on something that is completely not my responsibility. It's just hard because I feel guilt when I don't show that I care or take on someone else's problem as my responsibility. I feel like a cold, heartless person when I'm not there to be of help or to carry the emotional burden on my shoulders.

I know that I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleave, but I don't want to become too guarded and cold-hearted.

I want to do things for myself and get ahead, but I hate asking for any help from anyone. I feel like I get such a negative response from my sisters(Jamie&Bridget) whenever I ask for help, I know NOT to ask Emily cause what sort of help could she give me.

I'm sick of everyone BUT Emily dealing with her bipolar disorder, it's so exhausting. She doesn't have to deal with it because we've taken the weight of it. I don't know how to not deal with it, but still live in a positive environment. She's always there, she's always beating on my self-esteem. I build myself up and tell myself what I know is right, and then she attacks my psyche. I feel like I don't have any real support in the house and so the walls that I've built up are incredibly weak. You can't just ignore someone who knows exactly how to get to you. It's so hard.

I know that I need to socialize, but who with? I call people or send them messages, I do my best to communicate, but it feels fruitless when it's not reciporacated. I realize that people are busy and I accept it; and I'm not expecting a lot, just hanging out everysooften. I don't want to be a burden.

I wish that I didn't feel so stifled by my house, a place that's supposed to be a comfort zone and a safe place. My house is NOT a comfort zone or a safe place. It's through no fault of my dad though, at least I don't think so.



It just comes down to the fact that I need to gather my strength and do what needs to be done for me and forget anyone else's problems and not make them my own. It'll be hard, I wish that I felt like I had help through this. I'm alone and it sucks.