My song takes me away from you...

Sweet Green Grass

Gal, you look like you've been
Run over a few times,
Beat up something real good
When you gonna stick up for yourself?

The road you're on,
And where you're going
It's not too far from me,
Just give me a shout

Sweet green grass eyes,
Better let your spirit free
Those imposing stripes do you no good,
You were always meant for the bars of a soulful song

I wrote that for myself tonight. It's me talking to me, which if it were anything other than poetry it'd make me sound crazy....to be talking to me. ;)

Tonight was amazing.

Jimmy Davis hosted a Christmas songwriter circle and it was set up '68 Comeback style. Awesome stuff! I love hearing 5 great songwriters play great songs and just take the piss out of each other at any given chance. Watching friends play together is amazing.

Coach Reeves(he coached Jamie in basketball) was there and we always talk, and he embaressed me by bragging about my writing/storytelling. I'm just not used to people pouring compliments on me and telling others how wonderful I am. It's hard for my ears to hear and hard for my heart to believe, but it still felt great.

I feel like I made a breakthrough with you, like you realize where I'm coming from now. I can't believe I like you all over again, and I don't like it. I wish we could be friends, but as long as I like you this way we probably won't be. I think I'm what you need though, someone to keep you on your toes or to quote Ray Lamontagne: Feels like every time I get back on my feetshe come around and knock me down again I finally get that line in his song Trouble; he's not saying she makes him feel bad or like dirt, he's saying that she puts him in his place. I feel like when I'm ready and when you're willing to give me the chance, I could be that for you. I'd be so good to you when I'm ready.

I really shouldn't be getting my hopes up, but I am. Whatever, I'm a girl. Live and learn.

I feel so good and rejuvenated right now! That's what a good show does for me.

Since no one reads this shit anyways,

I wonder what would happen if I actually died/killed myself?

Who would honestly give a fuck?

Who would be tore up by it besides my parents?

I know for sure none of the musicians I look up to in this town would give a fuck. If I'm wrong, fucking prove it.




I'm so fucking sick of being friendless.

May you have a strong foundation when the winds are changing shift...

Do you know how it feels to live with a disease every single day of your life? How it feels to live with a disease that is not your own physically, but mentally it has become your own. It becomes a driving force in your life and tears apart everything you know and hold dear. It makes you resent and despise someone who you should love and admire.

The past nine years have been a lot tougher than a young lady my age should have to endure. I live with a sibling who is bipolar. Being bipolar means that you have no control of your emotions, you're never calm, your highs are really high and your lows are really low. I live with someone that, no matter whether she's high or low, she's a self-serving human being who can't look past her own problems long enough to see the problems she causes for others. She's inflicted so much emotional pain on myself and others that we all hold a resentment towards her because she has an excuse for her behaviour and we don't; if we were to treat another human being the way that she treats us, we'd be considered cold and heartless people.

I feel like a prisoner in my own home living with her. The only place that I can be away from her is in my bedroom, and even that's not sacred. Her son is allowed to bust in at any time and whenever I kick him out for some alone time, I'm considered the bad guy.

I hate that my bedroom is the only place of solace that I have. I don't have any friends that I can call for a little escapism because apparently no one wants to be my friend or we're conditional friends, meaning that when they need me I'm there and when I need them they either aren't or all that they can say is 'Awww. I'm sorry, babe.' Fuck that noise. I need a friend who will fucking rush to my side and hold me, be there for me. The only friend I have lives in Oklahoma, that doesn't do me any good. OKay, it does sometimes, but I just....

I called around yesterday, needing to get out of my house, and no one answered. Finally, my mom answered and came to pick me up from Taco Bell and I'm grateful because she put me at ease, but I'd just like for once for someone that calls themself my friend to actually be a friend to me. I know that I don't get out much, but I'm sure that you can understand why.

I just don't understand why so many people can consider me to be their friend through thick and thin, but I can't consider any of them to be MY friend through thick and thin.

It's depressing.

I'm always depressed.

Nothing makes it better.

You never were much into acting, but you know you could act a lot worse.

So, after doing my chores today, I sat down to write something that's been bouncing around in my head and I couldn't put down exactly what I wanted. I mean, I put down this really great line that I came up with for my male lead to say and I wrote out a description of my female lead, but I'm just not satisfied with that.

I think that maybe this is one of those things where I need to stew it in my brain just a little bit longer. I'm gonna write a few more character descriptions though cause I need to have those locked in in my brain so I can work out the storyline. I've got the basic jist of it, but I've got to make sure all of my characters work.

Also, I'm not sure which median my story should be written in, I could always put it in both forms that I'm considering, but that would mean more work for me and I'm terminally lazy.

***************

So, I finally cleaned my wreck of a room(I'd officially earned the nickname 'Hurricane', that's how dirty it was) and it's all cozy cause my dad bought me a candle that smells like violets. I just get this instant feeling of relief when I enter my room now. If only Tuesday didn't smell like....a dog, then my room would be complete. lmao. I love my dog so much!

I already mentioned how awesome my birthday was, and it was.

Emily and I fought again this week, and it brought me some clarity. I went to my room, prayed, and opened my bible for the first time in a while. It calmed me, it brought clarity. God is good, you can believe that.

So, my birthday wasn't so shitty after all. It ruled.

My dad, sisters(Jamie&Bridget, respectively), and my neighbor made it very awesome.

My neighbor, Skip, gave me a card and baloon. This pretty much made my day look a whole lot brighter. Skip is my nephew's best friend's uncle/brother(IDK, I'm kinda confused. lmao) and he's always keeping an eye on Chauncey when he(Chaun) goes over there to play. We talk once or twice a week, he's a really nice guy.

My sister, Jamie, gave me this big book of photos of the Beatles and all the captions tell you the story of their whole career. It's nuts. I've already been through the first 20+ pages and it's amazing. I was so giddy when she gave it to me!

My dad took me to Molly G's, the best Mexican restaurant you'll EVER go to. I mean it, once you go there nowhere else will do for you. From the salsa they give you right when you sit down to the 7-layer dip as an appetizer to the awesome meal, you won't regret going there. It's authentic as you can get, and if that's not testimony enough, it's ZZ Top's favortite restaurant in Memphis. Whenever they're in a 3 hour radius of Memphis, they make a big to-go order for 30 to 300 people. Back when they used to record here(7-8 albums were recorded at Ardent), Molly's was where they would eat.
(Molly G's is on Madison inbetween the Blue Monkey and Ardent Studios. Best locale ever. You can go lay a few tracks down, get something to eat, and then go drink&dance all within walking distance.)

ALSO, my dad got me amazing birthday presents. He took me to Spin Street and got me this big book/5-CD, 1-DVD thing for THE BAND(one of my all time faves), a John Hartford CD, and a Melanie CD. Yeah, this pretty much blew everyone else outta the water. I love my dad. :)
Bridget made my birthday good simply by being the first to text me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU!!!!!" That made me smile really big. She's a good big sister. She and my mom are taking me out to dinner some time this week. I'm siked.

So, yeah, I had a birthday I didn't think I'd get. It was really, really awesome.

I'm 19 today.

Ugh.

I've been dreading this.


Why?
Because I'm not where I'm supposed to be right now and it pisses me off. It pisses me off that I can't get off my ass and get shit done. I need to, for my own sake, get out of this house and start living life the way that I'm supposed to.
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiROxR3NNPFej7dSAGxb5IbAdcfRifC96OG2n5xIqAjZ2QkWQh48YSOkotuY1nWnTrO7Cpt641rC7dweES5h2qfWIyhzq67gjwxNopINNI7Tv2dHy-HUldwmYIxxZzB1n47TvKhHc5e70U/s1600-h/drama.jpg

That postcard from PostSecret this week is what I want 5 years from now. As much as I love my sisters, I don't want to be a part of their drama. I love the kids and I'll keep in contact with them, but my sisters won't get that privilige. I will keep in close contact with my parents though cause they've done their best with me.

This is the kind of love I hope and pray for.

I don't have this kind of love yet, but I hope to have it someday. I hope that I'm able to recognize it.

This is a love letter to no one that I just wrote. There's no specific person that I have in mind, but I know that he's out there.

Love of mine,

Only you can make me love the way that I do. You took a dreamer and you woke her up. You took a caged bird and taught her how to fly. I can never thank you enough for showing me the way to love. I’d lost myself somewhere along the way, and you helped to find me.
You put up with so much when it comes to me, my faults are many and varied. My emotions make me act erratically and my passions, outside of you, make me ignore everyone around me, including you. Love, you bring me back down to earth, back down from the celestial dreams of mine.
I not only give you my heart and gratitude, but my soul too. For God sent you to save it from the broken road it had been led to by deceitful and hateful hearts. You saw a heart that beats with only hope and love for the world, and you felt a soul that is as green as it is weathered by the cruelties of the world around us.
I pray that each day that passes us; the love we share grows stronger, more joyful, and wiser with age. Know that my heart and my soul is tied to yours forevermore.

-Love of yours

It's pathetic when you go out and the only way that you can have a good time is to get drunk/wasted. It's especially pathetic when you're 28 with 2 kids and a house.

I can't wait until my sisters are just something I talk about every once in a while without giving it much thought afterwards.

It's so interesting when you decide what kinds of people you'd like in your life and what kind you want to steer clear from and those who you'd like in your life, but at arm's length.

Growing up is an odd feeling. Sometimes, if you slow down, take a step out of your body and just look back at yourself, you can feel the change. You can see the change.

I hope that I can spread this growth into other areas of my life.

Could it be you found another game to play?

I haven't had a really thought provoking conversation with anyone in a long while. This really upsets me because I get a lot out of those types of conversations. After I have them, I take the views of the other party/parties and then take mine, and I try to see where they match up and maybe if I should change a few of my views on things.

And I just enjoy the bonding of it. I think that sometimes people get a very narrow view of me when they don't take the time to have a proper sit-down heart to heart conversation with me. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think that people assume that I'm much more close minded than I actually am. In all honesty, I'm very open to new ideas and I enjoy learning about another person's perspective on what's going on around her/him.

I really just need to get a lot out of me about a lot of different subjects, whether it be personal or musical or whatever. I don't exactly live with people that I can have these thought provoking conversations with without pissing the other person off because I have a totally different view on the subject at hand.

I really need to start writing some of my stories and I need to start putting my script in chronilogical order too.(Don't ask how a script cannot be in chronilogical order, it makes sense to me.)




I really wish I were closer friends with a certain someone. I've known him for so long and not being close friends with him kills me. I wonder how he would react if we were actually able to sit down and talk through shit.

And there's someone else that I wanted to have a chance with that I don't really want to go beyond a fan to singer/songwriter basis with now. These days when we're at the same place, he's the one that has to say 'hello' cause I just don't want to talk to someone who doesn't want to pursue a friendship with my when I so earnestly pursued one with him for a few months. Fuck it. Ball's in his court now and it'll stay there cause he obviously doesn't want to go beyond a fan to singer/songwriter basis. This shit just sucks though, but I'm so over it.

I kinda wanna rub it in is face that I still love the former very much and very much want to be the former's friends. I'm a bitch, I know, but once when I invited the latter to dinner he asked, "Has the former ever been over to your house for dinner?" I answer, "No." He says back, "Then I'm definetely coming." He didn't come, his car supposedly broke down.

Why am I rehashing the past? Why? I guess because of my lack of a social life over the past 6 months. I really haven't been to that many shows, I mean it may be a lot for others, but normally I attend more shows. I just haven't felt very social and sometimes I just can't get out of the house cause of my responsibilities to the kid.

Speaking of the kid, I'm dealing with his temper a lot better now. There are just moments where I get so frustrated, but I do my damndest not to show it cause I know me getting upset in front of him never helps the situations. Actually, me getting upset usually makes his temper tantrums worse. I find that if I hug him and tell him that I love him through out the day, during the night his temper tantrums aren't nearly as bad. The kid just has this deeprooted anger inside of him and whatever he seems to be angry at on the surface; I have to remember that he's not angry about that, it goes so much deeper than that. I love him, he's such a sweetheart and he's so intelligent and witty and imaginative it makes me love him more and more every single day.

I hate that I'm having these motherly type issues years before I even become a mother. I'm convinced that I'm gonna have to leave Memphis for a few years to just have freedom from it before I can even think about having my own kids. I have a few names picked out. They're awesome.

Boys: Levon James, Theodore Laurence, and Jackson Taylor.

Girls: Sophia Hazel and Evangeline Leigh

The 'L' names are sort of a tradition with my mom's side of the family, broken by me and, my sister, Bridget as our full names are: Natalie John Bussjaeger and Bridget Olivia Bussjaeger. Feel free to call my sister 'Bob' or 'Bobino' as those are her nicknames. :) (Although I'm partial to calling her Briggetta these days.)

Enough of my rambling. I think I'll go get some housework done and then start writing before the kid wakes up.

Change is hard, I should know...

I've got no motivation whatsoever.

None.

Zilch.

I've got so much shit I KNOW that I need to get done, I go over it in my head every night, and people are telling me repeatedly things that I already know, but there's just no motivational force pushing me to do it. And this just doesn't make sense because I have every reason in the world to get going and I just can't. I have no idea what is holding me back.

I really wish something would happen to make me get up off my ass.


I better be careful what I wish for...

I get to have a porn name? Cool, then I'd like it to be Pete Jones.

I'm at my wits end with watching Chauncey every night for Emily.

I just am.

Lord, knows that I love that boy with all that I am, but his behaviour as of the past month has been atrocious. I have no fucking clue what to do with him. It comes from a lack of parenting. The poor boy is an orphan with at least one parent that is clearly present in his life. How sad is that?

Emily picks and chooses when she wants to shoulder some sort of responsibility for him and when she gets sick of it she hands him off to Jamie, Bridget, and(majority of the time) me. The problem with her handing him off to me is that she is constantly telling him that I'm stupid and not to listen to me, that I'm mean, and that 'sometimes I want to hit Natalie too, but you can't do that.' How does she expect him to obey me and do as I tell him when she says shit like that?

And if, according to her, I'm such a horrible babysitter why hasn't she found a different person? Oh, I know! She doesn't have to pay me and she'd have to pay someone else to watch her bratty kid.

I'm really losing my steam on all of this.
Fuck. I need to find my SS card, get an ID, and get a job that keeps me out of the house and away from her and the kid.

On a much happier note, I went and saw the new Kevin Smith movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Awesome stuff. My subject line is actually something that Jason Mewes' says and Jason Mewes is my current celeb crush.

In case you didn't know, Kevin Smith writes some of the best dialogue you'll ever hear, knows how to get an actor excited about his/her role, and he really delivers with this movie. It's a comedy, but he mixed in just the right amount of romance so that the romance didn't take over the comedy, but was still very touching and sweet. Does that make sense? I think that it does. Elizabeth Banks, Seth Rogan, Jeff Anderson(he plays Randall in Clerks), Ricky Maybe(I can't remember how to spell it), and Craig Robinson were awesome. Wow. Oh, and Traci Lords did awesome too. I'm glad I went cause that movie was totally worth the 5 bucks that I paid, and more.

I wondered around the mall before the movie and let me just say this, I'm a fool for dudes that have accents so thick that I can barely understand them. Two of my finger nails are now shinier than the others and will be that way for 2 weeks. AND, I'm considering going back to buy the product. Yeah, say what you will, but I'm a chick who likes cute guys with accents.

I'm gonna try and get a shitload of writing done tomorrow. I hope that I do! I really need to, I've been getting lazy in that area.

What OBAMA winning means to me.

It means change.
It means that my niece and nephews have a brighter future ahead of them.
I was able to grab my nephew and show him that our president is the same color as him, Obama's mommy is white and his daddy is black, just like his mommy and daddy.

I was on the phone with Sheridan just being a blubbering idiot along with her over the fact that Obama won and Chauncey was watching CNN and he kept coming up to me telling me that the TV told him that he could be president too, that he could be anything that he wants. That's what this election proves, it proves that the color of your skin does not dictate what you're able to achieve.

Race aside, I do believe that Obama is the best man for the job. To the people who bring up his youth and his 'inexperience', I have one word for you: Kennedy.


GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sick to death of jam bands and white hill country blues bands.

I just am.


Hill Country Revue and North Mississippi Allstars should be the only white dudes allowed to play hill country blues.

Why?

Cause they don't try to recreate the exact sound.
Cause they've got soul and the other white acts just don't.

I'm also sick to death of dudes starting bands just for the heck of it, cause they can. That should not be allowed. There are too many bands and singer/songwriters out there with no talent who get popular because they're cute and can string a bunch of cliches together into an alright song. Music is a serious fucking thing, it's art. If you're not an artist, then don't do it. Not everyone is an artist and you have to come to terms with that. Just because you're a music enthusiast and you can talk intelligently about music does not give you permission to pick up a guitar, start writing songs, and join a band. I think that if some people would get this through their thick skulls the industry wouldn't be such a fucking mess and the people with actual talent would have an easier time getting noticed.

It's sad that Cory Branan or Lucero can't be really huge rockstars because talentless fucks like Colbie Callait and Nickelback are in the way. Yeah, the latter can write a pop hit, but can they write something timeless the way that Cory and Ben have? No, they can't. "Bubbly" or whatever is gonna be forgotten in a year or two. Nickelback is off the fucking radar.

It all goes back to money though, Cory won't make anybody any money so they won't support him. It sucks.

That's my rant.

You better take the hand of the Lord or the right hand of the devil. You better take it like a man!

The title of this blog is a line from a Caleb Sweazy song. Caleb is absolutely amazing. Wow. More on that later.

Warning: I'm gonna go on and on and on about music and my writing in this, so git ruddy!(or get ready...whatever.)

This week has been such an inspiring week in a really musical way.
Hell, it's just been a great week for me and my favorite vice, music.

Wednesday night I saw Lyle Lovett and John Hiatt perform together at the Orpheum.

First of all, let me just say that the Orpheum is one of my favorite venues of all time. I saw Ben Harper, Jonny Lang, John Prine, North Mississippi Allstars, Cory Branan, and Lucero there. Amazing. The place is so beautiful and filled with a great history in Memphis. This year is its 80th birthday and what better way for me to celebrate it then to go see these two living legends, right?

Lyle Lovett and John Hiatt were onstage together with their acoustics just shootin' the shit, telling stories, and playing really amazing songs that I absolutely am in love with. It lasted 2 and a half hours and I cried for the first hour. Tears of joy. I mean, I've been raised on their songs and just soaking it all in. I was just in complete awe of these 2 men. And what I love most about them is that they are both music fans, through and through. I'm sure that if I had the chance to shower them with compliments, they wouldn't think twice about 'em after I left.

I believe that if you put John and Lyle's songs together you've got a songbook on how to love a Southern woman. It's so true. Their songs are how I'd like my husband to love me when I get married. I'm pretty sure I want Lyle's song North Dakota to be the first song my husband and I dance to at our reception. Oh, but I'm so fickle I'll probably change my mind in a few months. Ah, well. I'll try to stay true to this song.

This morning, while at my sister's place watching the munchkins, I get a call from Shangri-La Records saying that my Rick Danko LP had come in. I told 'em I'd be in midtown that day and they promised to hold it for me. Damn. I'm so lucky to have found this. It's a rarity, I'm tellin' ya. Completely worth the 20 bucks and 25 cents that I paid for it. I can't wait to whip out my dad's record player and do 2 things: 1)Listen to this sweet vinyl gift from God and 2)Record it onto the computer so that I can put it onto a CD.

Why I've been searching for this LP:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2WRijXGfho
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbzB9stgfdQ

Awesome, right? Rick as a performer was just so raw and passionate. I love it. He, along with every other member, was such an essential part of the Band.

Tonight I had the pleasure of spending my evening absorbing good live music and having awesome conversations and writing down new awesome ideas at Otherlands.

The awesome conversations gave me an oppurtunity to have actual adult conversations with people I have things in common with. I love Chauncey, but what you can discuss with a 4 year old is limited. Katelyn, her Aussie friend, Mason, James, Dan, Colin, and Mike are great people, I love 'em. I love to talk and they were genuinely interested in all that I said, or so I thought I saw by the expressions on their faces and what I heard by their responses.

Caleb Sweazy could be knocked down by a strong wind. He looks like what I imagine Hank Williams and Woody Guthrie look like. His songs are so amazing and I'm so mad at myself for not giving him a chance long before tonight. He inspired me to write this:

Kind Words
Only when I fell through the cracks
Only then did you search me out
But I didn't lose any sleep
The thought of you didn't drive me wild

Don't walk away darlin',
I only meant it in the kindest way
You know I'll only say kind words
About you and I
And how we'll never be

My mama musta called you
Probably told you it was your fault
Your fault that I'm worse for wear
She only said it cause
Mama don't like to see any fault in her baby child

She calls me angel heart
And you best believe I am
You best believe that the best of hearts
Raise a little hell sometimes
Some of the best hearts can fall through the cracks

Babe, you're a fair weather man
You're a roll with the punches man
You're the man who falls for everything

Don't walk away darlin',
I only meant it in the kindest way
You know I'll only say kind words
About you and I
And how we'll never be

I don't think that it's done yet, maybe it is. Huh. I have no clue.

Dan Montgomery was just amazing as usual. He's a Southern songwriter and he does us proud, even if he is from Jersey.

Colin Gilmore is Texas, from his sweet west Texas accent to his cowboy boots to his songs to his guitar slinging style. He exudes charm and kindness. I've been bugging the hell outta him since Folk Alliance Conference back in February to bring his ass back to Memphis. Like we agreed on tonight: Austin is a hole, but Memphis is a hole with a gravity pull. So true, so very true. His set(I missed the last few songs) was just inspiring. It was everything I expected from him and more. I loved Texas before, but now I love it even more.



I love writing. I have a love/hate relationship with my muse. It strikes when it damn well pleases and my ass had better adhere to it. I love that I haven't settled on one median of writing; I love writing poetry, short stories, and I'm working on that ever challenging script. I found my place in the world. God is good.

www.myspace.com/colingilmore

My 3 favorite Texans are Lyle Lovett, Willie Nelson, and Colin Gilmore.





I dare anyone to disagree that those 3 fellas are in fact the coolest Texans around. :)

And I'm just like that bird, oooooohhhhhh, singing just for you.

It's such an amazing thing when the muse hits you in the head and you just sit down and write something. It's a wonderful feeling, you feel like you're really making some progress, like you're getting somewhere.

Right now, I'm trying to write this script about a girl named Ramona who decides to follow Bob Dylan's first tour since his motorcycle accident in 1966. It's set in January and February of 1974. I've done research on the tour and just a few minutes ago I wrote a scene and started planning a soundtrack.

I won't divulge what the scene is and what I've told you about this project so far is probably all you'll find out until it's finished. I'm so happy with it. I've really found my niche in this world, I'm good at something.

I'll give you my ideas for the soundtrack.

1.To Ramona-Blair Combest
2.Blowin' in the Wind-Chris Chew(bassist for North Mississippi Allstars)
3.You're a Big Girl-Cory Branan
4.If You See Her, Say Hello-John Elliot and the Hereafter
5.Maggie's Farm-Colin Gilmore

That's all I have so far and I'm NOT open to suggestion cause this is my baby. HAHAHA! ;)



I'm in love with being creative and creating things.

Why have thoughts of being a screenwriter/filmmaker suddenly entered my brainwaves? As if I need more castles in the sky! Don't I have enough?

It's frustrating.


My brain keeps stretching and reaching new bounds, and it's hard to keep up with.



Oh, and Bob Dylan, or at least the idea of him, has suddenly become a central theme. Maybe you'll read it or see it one day.

I've come to realize that I don't really have any friends outside of my dog. If I knew how to play guitar then I could say that my only friends were my dog and my guitar. What a helluva way to live!

Don't misunderstand me though, there are tons of people out there that can count me as their friend, but I don't really count them as my friend. Why? Because I haven't really found anyone that meets my definition of a friend. Okay, maybe Ryan does, but I hardly ever see her. It's not her fault though cause I know that she's really busy these days. Whenever we talk she blames herself and calls herself a 'bitch' and a 'horrible friend', but I just don't see it that way.

Katelyn got hit by a car the other day. I just found out today. It really affected me because I've been hit by a car and I know the feeling. I know that I put a lot of fear in the hearts of the ones that I love. It's just such a hard thing to go through and it changes you, it changes you forever. You're more cautious and you hate it when others aren't as cautious as you are.

I need some adventure in my life. I've decided to move to Ireland in 2 years time. I have no idea how long I'll live there, I guess as long as the government will allow me without becoming a citizen.

I have so many big dreams. I'm gonna live 'em whether my family likes it or not. Fuck it. I'm my own person and, with the exception of my parents, they don't know me at all.



I have a weird yellow mark on my right breast that looks like a bruise, but when I press hard on it it doesn't hurt like a bruise would hurt when you press on it. I plan on ignoring this. If my boob falls off, so be it. I'm sure there's some perverted freak out there that likes a woman with one boob, right? Right. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! It's nothing. Just me and my silly thoughts.

I see my light come shining From the west unto the east.Any day now, any day now,I shall be released.

You get to a certain point in your life when you realize what kind of people are harmful to your survival, your self-preservation. Every moment spent with those people after coming to this realization then becomes a chore that chips away at your very being.

Sometimes these people can be your family, and while you love them, you know that it's best that you keep them at arm's length. You know that after you've given them every chance, but every chance is turned into a game or accusation or even a misunderstanding. You give up on trying with these people because you don't see the point. You don't see the other person trying to return your efforts or affections.

Eventually, the person who is a poison in your life, the vinegar to your water, needs to be put out of your life. Maybe not completely out of your life, but out of personal affairs and decisions. Some people just don't deserve to be a part of your life.

To quote Nikki Giovani:
There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don't expect you to save the world I do think it's not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect.

I love it when someone takes the words right out of my mouth.

I can't wait to be free of my chains.

I love Eric Clapton and Luther Dickinson.

So, I was sitting on my backporch just enjoying listening to my iPod and hanging out with my best pal in the world, Tuesday.(my dog) All of the sudden, Little Wing(the Derek and the Dominoes version) comes on and I'm taken to a world of love and peace, and it just moves me.

I get to thinking that I absolutely admire Clapton's career. From the Yardbirds to Blind Faith to Cream to his solo career, the man is absolutely amazing. Music buffs, blues purists, and housewives all love him. He seamlessly moved from project to project and contributed a really great music catalogue to the history of rock'n roll.

I want that kind of career for Luther Dickinson. I think that him being in the Black Crowes is absolutely brilliant. I think that he should continue to try out new projects. He's got this style that's absolutely his; it's a little bit Johnny Winter, a little bit Jimi Hendrix, a lot Duane Allman, and ALL Luther Andrew Dickinson. I think that he's ambitious enough to have the versatility it takes to be a part of several different bands and then later in his career do solo stuff. I know a lot of the Allstars fanbase would balk at me for even suggesting Luther do something as a solo artist, but it just makes so much sense to me.

Right now, though, he needs to stick to adding his flavor to a bunch of bands. He's got so much skill and soul in his fingertips that you can't help but to be in awe of his playing. You can tell when you watch him that playing guitar is all he's ever gonna wanna do for a living. It's like when he picks one up, it becomes a part of his body an extra limb if you can imagine that. He's so fluid and it pours out of him so easily that watching him, as guitarist, would either encourage you to do better or make you wanna quit. ;)

Enough of my talking about him, let this video speak for his playing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6PEtwqudHo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT8-2PIDMvI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHUXUDJSVjo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DwQmCws97Q

Radical Ideas.

I'd like to state right now that I could really care less if you disagree with/are angered by the things in this blog. These are my beliefs and I hope that I'm able to express them well.
These thoughts have been going 'round in my head since the 8th grade. They've been growing and developing into very strong and unmoveable(is that repetitive?) beliefs. I feel this so strongly because my head and my heart cannot hold themselves back and cannot ignore these things.
In learning about slavery and the civil rights movement, I came to my own conclusions and I feel like they're radical in their own way.
In my eyes, slavery did not end until the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Segregation is just another form of, another word for slavery. Segregation in schools, housing, or hiring is a way to keep a people from the inalienable rights that they were born with, it's enslavement. It's keeping them in the place that you think they should stay at, a low place in this world.
I'm so grateful for the civil rights movement because it opened the eyes of the citizens of this country, of this world to the injustices that were being served to our fellow human beings.
Even today, the civil rights movement continues, only today it's not just racial prejudices that we're fighting. It's the prejudices that we show to our gay, lesbian, and bisexual brothers and sisters.
Your sexuality is not what should define you. Yes, I'm a straight female, but that's not how I want to be defined. I want to be known as a daughter, sister, and friend; on my epitaph it won't say: Natalie was a heterosexual female. It will say: Natalie was a daughter, sister, and friend.
I think that the reason that this country doesn't pay attention to the civil rights movement today is because majority of this country are so close minded to different kinds of love. Love is love is love. I believe that as long as you are a decent, law abiding, and loving person you deserve the same rights as I. Yes, I'm a Christian, but I don't consider the ignorant fools who call homosexuality a disgrace are truly Christians. I don't believe they are Christians when they speak with disgust in their voices and hate in their hearts for a fellow human being.
I don't believe that the fight is being fought loudly enough.
I, also, don't believe that racial injustice has been stopped completely. I believe that Asian Americans and Mexican Americans are still being treated poorly and are suffering the same exact injustices that African Americans did and still do suffer. There's still a lot to be done and said before 'equality' and 'democracy' can be said and used by every person in this country.
I believe that once these things are achieved that it is then our job to help any other country that expresses a want for equality and democracy in their own country. I believe that we should only help those who ask for it, whether it be the government that asks for help or the people of the country themselves. It's none of United State's business to butt into a country's affairs unless the circumstance is dire and the people are not able to voice their need for help.

I'm a humanitarian. Put that on my epitaph too.

Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.

I used to think that my ideas, thoughts and life experiences were less than those of the people that I look up to and am in a sort of awe of. I thought that no one would want to hear what I have to say because my life isn't some epic story or it isn't filled with all of these struggles and hardships.
That just isn't true. People want to hear about someone living a common life and hear their childhood stories, as simple as they are. That's what's interesting. Writers aren't writers because they led/are leading an incredibly interesting life. They're writers because they've got these grandeous ideas, these idyllic views on life that they must express or life just doesn't feel lived in. I have to write because I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to myself and to the world. Imagine if Bob Dylan or William Shakespeare had decided that their life and ideas just weren't as interesting as everyone elses. Just imagine.
I'm not Dylan and I'm no Shakespeare, but I have to put my thoughts out there. No one's thoughts are worthless. Some people are either not clever enough to express them or are too frightened of the outside world and how it may react to what they say, sing, or write.

Just write. I'm not brilliant, by any means, but I have to do it because I have to breath.

Yeah, I'm calling you an alcoholic.

Rock'n Roll Hero

You know, you used to be like a hero to me
I'd stand in my spot
You'd be on that stage
And the songs that were played
Sounded like they were just for me

So, go ahead and take that next drink
Let it burn in your throat,
Let it numb all the pain
You'll cause a big scene
You'll have a grand ole time
Tomorrow morning it will all be a blur
But tomorrow night you'll be at it again

Rock'n roll hero,
What happened to you?
Was it that fire inside you,
Did it all burn away?
Cause people could see it
It shone for miles and miles

Rock'n roll hero,
Can't you hear what you're playin'?
You stand up so tall
On that big stage
All the kids are loving it
They think you're loving them too

Rock'n roll hero,
What town are you in?
Your girl has stopped calling you
You've lost all of your friends
Yeah, you feel the pain
Things will never be the same

Rock'n roll hero,
The bottle took your wings
Never had that halo,
But you always had the wings
The bottle must have been so alluring,
The promises it told you
Yeah, you let the bottle take your wings

Never again will it be the same
When you grace that stage
I will not be there
You'll stumble through the songs
The crowd will give great applause
Cause you were once a
Rock'n roll hero

This was written Tuesday morning around 6:15am. It's one of those things where you get up and write it and think how effin' brilliant you are, but then you read it again and it ain't THAT great.

I swear, this is NOT aimed at anyone in particular. Take it how you want to.

So, yeah, I'm a copycat.

Sometimes I just want to write blog after blog and it seems kinda pathetic to do it on myshrine, like "Is this all you do? Post blogs on myshrine?"

I guess Sheridan and her friends starting blogs on here sorta influenced me even though I'm already on livejournal.com and myshrine. Ah, well!

The next 3 blogs will be ones that I posted on myspace, but I want 'em on here too. :)

-Hurricane Natalie