GO RED WINGS!
They've had an unlucky season so far, but they're playing like heroes.
Say what you will, oh aunts of mine, but I don't care. This team has heart, this team has soul. I'm a Memphis girl and I KNOW soul.........wait so are you. Whatever. I still live here. ;)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
You were flying to high for my little sky, so I'm moving on.
I prefer Elvis singing that song ^^^ to Roseanne Cash singing it. Her cover is just trying too hard.
I've been thinking about artists covering well known songs or songs by well known artists lately. Is this ok or not? When is it ok? When is it not ok?
I think that the new arrangement of the song has to stay true to the original and the listener has to be able to tell that the singer is truly a fan of the original, has always been a fan of the original. When I hear Carrie Underwood cover Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home," it makes me cringe. She's covering it because it might somehow make her seem more edgy, when in reality, fans of the original are disgusted.
A good example of an artist covering an already popular, awesome tune is when Elvis Presley would sing songs like "My Babe"(a Little Walter tune) or "Hound Dog"(a Big Mama Thornton tune, if I'm not mistaken). His versions of classic gospel tunes also comes to mind. You could just tell in his delivery, and through the new arrangements of the tunes, that he had an immense amount of respect for the songs that he sang.
That being said, I am a huge fan of new artists(new meaning they started recording anywhere from 20 to 5 years ago) covering some of my favorite songs. When I hear my favorite band, North Mississippi Allstars, cover "Little Wing"; my heart swells with pride because they do the song such justice. And when I hear Ben Nichols's(of Lucero, another great local band) raspy, whiskey soaked voice sing "Ain't No Sunshine," I smile because I know that he gets the heart of the song. He lives it.
All I ask for is a genuine delivery, whether it be your own song or a cover.
I've been thinking about artists covering well known songs or songs by well known artists lately. Is this ok or not? When is it ok? When is it not ok?
I think that the new arrangement of the song has to stay true to the original and the listener has to be able to tell that the singer is truly a fan of the original, has always been a fan of the original. When I hear Carrie Underwood cover Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home," it makes me cringe. She's covering it because it might somehow make her seem more edgy, when in reality, fans of the original are disgusted.
A good example of an artist covering an already popular, awesome tune is when Elvis Presley would sing songs like "My Babe"(a Little Walter tune) or "Hound Dog"(a Big Mama Thornton tune, if I'm not mistaken). His versions of classic gospel tunes also comes to mind. You could just tell in his delivery, and through the new arrangements of the tunes, that he had an immense amount of respect for the songs that he sang.
That being said, I am a huge fan of new artists(new meaning they started recording anywhere from 20 to 5 years ago) covering some of my favorite songs. When I hear my favorite band, North Mississippi Allstars, cover "Little Wing"; my heart swells with pride because they do the song such justice. And when I hear Ben Nichols's(of Lucero, another great local band) raspy, whiskey soaked voice sing "Ain't No Sunshine," I smile because I know that he gets the heart of the song. He lives it.
All I ask for is a genuine delivery, whether it be your own song or a cover.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Here's hoping this actually makes sense.
In my younger years as a music lover I never dreamed that new music could satisfy my heart the way that music from the '50s and '60s did, and continues to do. While I still believe that the '60s was the height of music, the current underground music scene is really very fulfilling and satisfying for a music lover like me.
I've been discovering new and wonderful music for the past 7 years and every time I think I've really found the end of good music, someone sends something new my way. It's really comforting to know that there are still songwriters and bands out there that are passionate about what they do. It's comforting to know that there's still some originality out there.
It's NOT so comforting knowing that none of these songwriters or bands will EVER reach the level of success that they so rightfully deserve and have earned because today's mainstream music industry is so image driven. I hate that, the image is not everything. Sometimes, beautiful music comes in not so pretty packaging and that's great to me.(Sorry, if I offend you, fellas. I'm trying to make a point here, not hurt your precious feelings.)
While I do love having this circle of songwriters/bands around me that I can so easily access, I'd readily give up this easy access to see them be respected and revered by more than just their small community of fans. These guys have to make a living and in a decade from now, that'll be damn near impossible for them. Touring will become a thing of the past for smaller bands 20 years from now because it's so expensive.
Yes, I can see the industry slowly changing because of the internet, but I'm still worried that the right music won't get out there.
I've been discovering new and wonderful music for the past 7 years and every time I think I've really found the end of good music, someone sends something new my way. It's really comforting to know that there are still songwriters and bands out there that are passionate about what they do. It's comforting to know that there's still some originality out there.
It's NOT so comforting knowing that none of these songwriters or bands will EVER reach the level of success that they so rightfully deserve and have earned because today's mainstream music industry is so image driven. I hate that, the image is not everything. Sometimes, beautiful music comes in not so pretty packaging and that's great to me.(Sorry, if I offend you, fellas. I'm trying to make a point here, not hurt your precious feelings.)
While I do love having this circle of songwriters/bands around me that I can so easily access, I'd readily give up this easy access to see them be respected and revered by more than just their small community of fans. These guys have to make a living and in a decade from now, that'll be damn near impossible for them. Touring will become a thing of the past for smaller bands 20 years from now because it's so expensive.
Yes, I can see the industry slowly changing because of the internet, but I'm still worried that the right music won't get out there.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
RIP Jim Dickinson
November 15, 1941-August 15,2009
So, this is probably the saddest event I'll ever write about. I've lost one of my heroes, someone who a gal could really look up to and will continue to look up to.
James Luther Dickinson was a champion for Memphis music and musicians alike. He had a career that would've given anyone the impression that they could raise their nose at a young band with raw talent and say 'No!' simply because the pay wasn't good enough. Jim never did that, if it was in his tastes, he put his name behind it and supported it. His love for his city and the music that was made within its limits never failed.
As a session musician; he played on the last good record to come from Sun Records with the Jesters, he played on the Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses", he played with Aretha Franklin, he was a part of the mighty mighty Dixie Flyers(the house band for Atlantic), he played with Dylan(he once said, "If you've got Jim Dickinson, you don't need anybody else." Something along those lines), and countless others. The list is enough to make any music lover's toes curl with pleasure and jealously all at once.
As a producer; he helped Big Star record what is considered their last consistent record, made an album with the Replacements that while it was great, it couldn't be played live for years because the band was so messed up when it was recorded, he produced a rock legend like Screamin' Jay Hawkins, a young rock'n roll band like Lucero, a legendary songwriter like John Hiatt, and took under his wing the young and very talented singer, Amy Lavere. Listening to these records confirms a few things about him, but the one that stands out the most is that Jim Dickinson had amazing taste in music. No matter the artist, you can always tell that Jim had his hand in it because he was able to stand back and let the artist be, let the artist put out the best that they could.
As a performer, I don't think I've ever been so thrilled to be in an audience as when I would watch Jim Dickinson behind his sticker covered keyboard or wielding his acoustic guitar. With his signature bandana in place, Mr. Dickinson would tell stories that would make the most serious of person break out into a smile and sing songs you've either never heard before or songs that no one had played onstage in a while. His song choice was always the best part of the show. Whether he was on his own, with his sons, with Sid Selvidge&Jimmy Crosthwait, or with Steve Selvidge, Paul Taylor, and Amy Lavere I always left the show inspired and with a smile on my face after seeing my hero play.
None of what I've said so far are reason why so many love and respect Mr. Dickinson. It wasn't his career or his prowess as a musician and songwriter. No, it was his love for music and his love for family that earned my respect, and I'm sure the respect of many others. Throughout his career he's been the consumate music fan and family man. For anyone that met him or enjoyed the mark that he's left on the music world, we've lost a great friend and mentor. I can only be a small part of helping spread the word of his legacy, but I'm proud to be a part of that small part in helping people know James Luther Dickinson.
Jim Dickinson on Having a Career in Production: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GsLfNnGs0Y
With the other 2 remaining members of Mudboy&the Neutrons(Sid&Jimmy) AND Steve Selvidge&Paul Taylor performing "Hitler Lives":
I realize how cold and unfeeling this blog is, but I can't bring myself to write anything else. If you really want to read something heartfelt, read Chuck Prophet and G.Love's blogs. Those are my favorites and I'm sure that if Jim's family has read them, those are their favorites too.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
It breaths life into your lungs.
There's nothing more important than the loving relationship that you have with your favorite band, album, or song. Music is what connects total strangers who have nothing in common, but the groove. A yuppie is best friends with a hippie because they both love Bob Dylan. The yuppie loves Dylan because Dylan makes him feel liberated from the day to day nothingness of sitting at a desk. A hippie loves Dylan because Dylan helps him structure his thoughts, his life.
A good groove can take any day and turn it around. When you're driving around in your car, totally pissed because you couldn't afford to buy enough gas to last you the week, a Prince song comes on and immediately you're smiling, singing along, and dancing in your seat. You feel better and when the song is over you realize that everything is okay, it's just one bad day or week and it's not the end of the world. The groove helps you pull through.
I realize we're going through an economic crisis, but if you'd just stop stressing out for a few songs, you'd be able to pull through. It doesn't cost anything to put the radio on and flip through the stations until you find a song you haven't listened to in a while or a song that you're embaressed to like, but you love it anyways. Embrace the sheer joy of turning up the radio to its loudest and yelling along to the song, you could even change the lyrics to something silly while you're singing along.
Music makes you carefree. Music makes you feel. Music breaths life into your lungs.
Embrace the groove, love the groove, dance to the groove.
A good groove can take any day and turn it around. When you're driving around in your car, totally pissed because you couldn't afford to buy enough gas to last you the week, a Prince song comes on and immediately you're smiling, singing along, and dancing in your seat. You feel better and when the song is over you realize that everything is okay, it's just one bad day or week and it's not the end of the world. The groove helps you pull through.
I realize we're going through an economic crisis, but if you'd just stop stressing out for a few songs, you'd be able to pull through. It doesn't cost anything to put the radio on and flip through the stations until you find a song you haven't listened to in a while or a song that you're embaressed to like, but you love it anyways. Embrace the sheer joy of turning up the radio to its loudest and yelling along to the song, you could even change the lyrics to something silly while you're singing along.
Music makes you carefree. Music makes you feel. Music breaths life into your lungs.
Embrace the groove, love the groove, dance to the groove.
Here's a theory, for you to completely disregard as soon as it's read.
So, I'm a part of the social network MySpace. I love it. I love it because it helps the socially inept, such as myself, to keep in touch with those I rarely ever see. I love it because I've discovered a lot of good music and good musician friends through it. I can't tell you how many times the musicians of Memphis that I look up to see me and say "Hey! It's Hurricane Natalie!" and how many times it's made me embaressed, leaving me blushing in the place that I'm standing. It's great, really, because I call some of them friends in real life.
Real life, well, let me tell you, I don't make friends on the ol' myshrine unless I've actually met and friended this person face to face. The internet is impersonal enough to be making friends strictly on MySpace, I gotta know the sound of your voice and your mannerisms.
I talked to a friend recently who complained that while a lot of people send him friend requests, he's not able to actually be friends with them in real life, they ignore him. I almost pointed out, politely, that he's a well known musician among music fans in Memphis and that's why, but I refrained. The point is...well, I don't know my point. I just know that the internet is extremely impersonal and it's not a real social life. It's why I only communicate with those I know personally or a good friend of mine knows this person personally.
Here's another thing that bugs me, getting tons of friend requests from bands. I've got maybe 50 requests in my inbox right now, from bands who either took the time to look at my profile and thought I'd enjoy their music or bands who simply want to up their friend count. I'm alright with the former, that's great, but the latter really bugs me and I can tell the difference. The latter only has all of those 'friends' because they've taken the time to go through other bands' friends list and the people they sent them to simply clicked "accept" to up their own friend count. This is completely bogus and insincere, which I'm sure says something about the band's music. Not every kid who loves rock'n roll should pick up a guitar and start writing songs, just like not every kid who loves cop shows should pick up a gun and start arresting people. It just doesn't make sense.
Alright, I won't subject you guys to my caffeine buzz anymore. Hopefully, you understood at least a third of that.
I apologize to my aunts and uncles who read this and think I'm completely nuts. I assure you, I really am.
Real life, well, let me tell you, I don't make friends on the ol' myshrine unless I've actually met and friended this person face to face. The internet is impersonal enough to be making friends strictly on MySpace, I gotta know the sound of your voice and your mannerisms.
I talked to a friend recently who complained that while a lot of people send him friend requests, he's not able to actually be friends with them in real life, they ignore him. I almost pointed out, politely, that he's a well known musician among music fans in Memphis and that's why, but I refrained. The point is...well, I don't know my point. I just know that the internet is extremely impersonal and it's not a real social life. It's why I only communicate with those I know personally or a good friend of mine knows this person personally.
Here's another thing that bugs me, getting tons of friend requests from bands. I've got maybe 50 requests in my inbox right now, from bands who either took the time to look at my profile and thought I'd enjoy their music or bands who simply want to up their friend count. I'm alright with the former, that's great, but the latter really bugs me and I can tell the difference. The latter only has all of those 'friends' because they've taken the time to go through other bands' friends list and the people they sent them to simply clicked "accept" to up their own friend count. This is completely bogus and insincere, which I'm sure says something about the band's music. Not every kid who loves rock'n roll should pick up a guitar and start writing songs, just like not every kid who loves cop shows should pick up a gun and start arresting people. It just doesn't make sense.
Alright, I won't subject you guys to my caffeine buzz anymore. Hopefully, you understood at least a third of that.
I apologize to my aunts and uncles who read this and think I'm completely nuts. I assure you, I really am.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Show them how funky, strong is your fight!
Saw Cory Branan&Jon Snodgrass last night. Awesome. Just what I needed. It's great how a good show can give you the kick in the ass that you need, ya know?
I'm glad I'm getting out of this house and away from negativity. I'm moving on to a positive environment and that's just what I need to help me get things done. Just give me a positive place to live and a feisty(I'm planning on abusing that word for the next few weeks) attitude, I'll do great. Having a good sister is amazing, lucky for me I have 2!(No matter how much I may bitch about them, those 2 are quality sisters)
It took some of my favorite people in the world, that I never see, to remind me of who I am. I'm a goofy, caring gal who gets a little feisty(shoot me if you must) sometimes. I'm smart and I have plans, I can do this. I can reach my goal. No matter what.
I'm glad I'm getting out of this house and away from negativity. I'm moving on to a positive environment and that's just what I need to help me get things done. Just give me a positive place to live and a feisty(I'm planning on abusing that word for the next few weeks) attitude, I'll do great. Having a good sister is amazing, lucky for me I have 2!(No matter how much I may bitch about them, those 2 are quality sisters)
It took some of my favorite people in the world, that I never see, to remind me of who I am. I'm a goofy, caring gal who gets a little feisty(shoot me if you must) sometimes. I'm smart and I have plans, I can do this. I can reach my goal. No matter what.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Is 'hush' just a word to make you go to sleep?
So, I'm afraid of leaving my door unlocked so that my sister can come in when she gets off work at the crack of dawn. It doesn't have anything to do with her, but it does have to do with the fact that my dad's house(my home) got broken into a month ago.
I'm so scared of someone coming in while I'm asleep, even though I'm a light sleeper. I wish that I wasn't so scared.
Just like in a ton of my past blogs, I'm gonna take the time to say this: I wish that I had friends to hang out with. I recently saw a postcard on PostSecret that said something along the lines of "I'm depressed because I don't have any friends; I don't have any friends because I'm depressed." I love that people check in on me through the internet, but getting a phonecall asking me to hang out is way better.
Lately, I've been wishing for someone to physically abuse me just so that I can feel a different kind of pain. You can't imagine what kind of emotional pain that I carry around with me everyday. It weighs me down so much so that I can hardly get out of bed some days.
I don't know if I'm going to see Cory Branan Wednesday night. I could probably get there without any help, but getting home would be a pain. I really miss him and it would be the first show that I've been to since February. I'm gonna have a mutual friend of ours text him my number to see if he has any ideas on that. Nothing will come of it, but whatever.(I never get my hopes up about ANYTHING anymore.)
So, I've made a life altering decision and you won't hear about it for a few months or I may even wait a year to say anything. That's the way it has to be, no apologies. Just know that it's what I think is best for me and I'm gonna work hard to get there.
I'm moving in with my sister, Bridget, and I'm pretty excited/anxious. I know she'll make me work hard and do my best, that's exactly what I need.
It'd be so nice to spend a week camping out in the Smokies.
I'm so scared of someone coming in while I'm asleep, even though I'm a light sleeper. I wish that I wasn't so scared.
Just like in a ton of my past blogs, I'm gonna take the time to say this: I wish that I had friends to hang out with. I recently saw a postcard on PostSecret that said something along the lines of "I'm depressed because I don't have any friends; I don't have any friends because I'm depressed." I love that people check in on me through the internet, but getting a phonecall asking me to hang out is way better.
Lately, I've been wishing for someone to physically abuse me just so that I can feel a different kind of pain. You can't imagine what kind of emotional pain that I carry around with me everyday. It weighs me down so much so that I can hardly get out of bed some days.
I don't know if I'm going to see Cory Branan Wednesday night. I could probably get there without any help, but getting home would be a pain. I really miss him and it would be the first show that I've been to since February. I'm gonna have a mutual friend of ours text him my number to see if he has any ideas on that. Nothing will come of it, but whatever.(I never get my hopes up about ANYTHING anymore.)
So, I've made a life altering decision and you won't hear about it for a few months or I may even wait a year to say anything. That's the way it has to be, no apologies. Just know that it's what I think is best for me and I'm gonna work hard to get there.
I'm moving in with my sister, Bridget, and I'm pretty excited/anxious. I know she'll make me work hard and do my best, that's exactly what I need.
It'd be so nice to spend a week camping out in the Smokies.
Friday, July 3, 2009
I really need to get out and find myself a new crush cause I'm still pining over the same guy even though I haven't seen him since December or February, can't remember. I bet my heart will still speed up the next time that I see him.
I really need a new crush.
Even though I can't help the nagging feeling that he's the one for me. I know it's foolish because I've invented in my head what we would be like together, and I know it'd be nothing like that. We'd probably cuss and argue at each other all the time.
I really need a new crush.
Even though I can't help the nagging feeling that he's the one for me. I know it's foolish because I've invented in my head what we would be like together, and I know it'd be nothing like that. We'd probably cuss and argue at each other all the time.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I've got a really good heart, I just can't catch a break....
So, I've not updated my blog in a while and to make up for it I'll put up a couple of poems that I wrote last night. Try not to puke on your keyboard.
Memphis,Tennessee
Dear Tennessee,
I love you so much it hurts
Dear Memphis,
I'm sorry I must leave so quickly
But the pain in my heart
Has multiplied
And running is all I know
I'm so sorry,
Tennessee,
Please forgive me
For things that I've done
And will continue to do
Don't grieve for me,
Memphis,
My sweet city
I still want you in my heart
But the river rocked me
So hard
And I just can't
Get back up
I'm sorry for
The slanderous words
I said about you
Please understand
I was talking from my head
Not from my heart
I could never put down,
My sweet Tennessee
So, as I'm picking up my bag
To leave you
Please remember one thing
And then I'm through
I'm sorry for
The hurtful words
I said to you
Please understand
I was talking from my head
Not from my heart
I could never let you down,
My sweet Memphis city
Maybe, One Day
My heart
And my head
Are bitter enemies
They can never agree
One says, 'I love him'
The other, 'I'd rather not'
Trouble is
I don't know who's saying what
So be patient with me
I'm just a girl
On her knees
Begging for you
To be patient with me
And my bewildering ways
As I try to unlock
The puzzle inside of me
I've convinced myself,
Time and again,
That you've got the key
To solve my riddle
Maybe I'm just fooling myself
Baby, I really hope
That I'm not
Pushing you away
With these confusing thoughts
Bouncing 'round inside
Of my head
That I can't get to stop
But I'm the only one
Who can have that key
The only one who
Can solve this mystery
So, hold onto your hat
Hold onto your patience
And maybe, one day,
You'll hold onto me.
Memphis,Tennessee
Dear Tennessee,
I love you so much it hurts
Dear Memphis,
I'm sorry I must leave so quickly
But the pain in my heart
Has multiplied
And running is all I know
I'm so sorry,
Tennessee,
Please forgive me
For things that I've done
And will continue to do
Don't grieve for me,
Memphis,
My sweet city
I still want you in my heart
But the river rocked me
So hard
And I just can't
Get back up
I'm sorry for
The slanderous words
I said about you
Please understand
I was talking from my head
Not from my heart
I could never put down,
My sweet Tennessee
So, as I'm picking up my bag
To leave you
Please remember one thing
And then I'm through
I'm sorry for
The hurtful words
I said to you
Please understand
I was talking from my head
Not from my heart
I could never let you down,
My sweet Memphis city
Maybe, One Day
My heart
And my head
Are bitter enemies
They can never agree
One says, 'I love him'
The other, 'I'd rather not'
Trouble is
I don't know who's saying what
So be patient with me
I'm just a girl
On her knees
Begging for you
To be patient with me
And my bewildering ways
As I try to unlock
The puzzle inside of me
I've convinced myself,
Time and again,
That you've got the key
To solve my riddle
Maybe I'm just fooling myself
Baby, I really hope
That I'm not
Pushing you away
With these confusing thoughts
Bouncing 'round inside
Of my head
That I can't get to stop
But I'm the only one
Who can have that key
The only one who
Can solve this mystery
So, hold onto your hat
Hold onto your patience
And maybe, one day,
You'll hold onto me.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I'm gonna blog about this cause it's always bugged the hell outta me.
Why is it that it's okay for musicians to be alcoholics and it's encouraged by the whole fanbase? Do you NOT want these guys to be around for a long time making more music for you to love? Are you only interested in the good time of that night and not the great music that could come if the boys would just quit drinking?
If I were good friends with the person I'm particularly concerned about, I'd rattle his bones for letting himself get so bad. I mean, he's even said to me, "I'll never regret anything more than the day I started drinking this heavily. Never drink, Natalie, just don't do it." He may have been wasted when he said it, but I knew that he was sincere and in a vulnerable state when he said it. I recently saw a picture of him passed out on a stage and many have said that he felt like it was the worst show his band ever played. I agree. I wasn't even there and I know that it was.
I hope that that was an eye openner for him. I wish he would quit. I wish that fans would stop sending shots or drinks to the stage. I feel like he's just living up to the standards of a certain lifestyle.
I wish that I were close enough to him to say all of these things without offending him.
Why is it that it's okay for musicians to be alcoholics and it's encouraged by the whole fanbase? Do you NOT want these guys to be around for a long time making more music for you to love? Are you only interested in the good time of that night and not the great music that could come if the boys would just quit drinking?
If I were good friends with the person I'm particularly concerned about, I'd rattle his bones for letting himself get so bad. I mean, he's even said to me, "I'll never regret anything more than the day I started drinking this heavily. Never drink, Natalie, just don't do it." He may have been wasted when he said it, but I knew that he was sincere and in a vulnerable state when he said it. I recently saw a picture of him passed out on a stage and many have said that he felt like it was the worst show his band ever played. I agree. I wasn't even there and I know that it was.
I hope that that was an eye openner for him. I wish he would quit. I wish that fans would stop sending shots or drinks to the stage. I feel like he's just living up to the standards of a certain lifestyle.
I wish that I were close enough to him to say all of these things without offending him.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
No shout out is a bad shout out.
http://blog.fivedollarcover.com/?p=1118
Scroll down and look at blogville, american style or whatever. Amazing. It's gonna get taken out of context, but at least I got a mention.
I haven't been to a show in forever. If Jamie pays me this weekend, I'm taking my ass to the Hitone Sunday afternoon to see Chris Chew.
I'm hoping that I get the job I'm applying to tomorrow cause that means I could afford to go to more shows. I feel so miserable not going to a show at least once month. I'm like an addict going through withdrawls.
I'm so siked on being mentioned in that blog, fuck being taken out of context. If anything, it'll be a good laugh with the people who do know me and understand where I'm coming from.
I'm not bitter about not being the one to convert fellow Memphians into fans of Memphis music, I swear. It's just frustrating that it took MTV for my friends, who I saw countless hardcore and metal bands with, to get into the music I've loved and grown up with.
I really need to get out to more shows this summer.
Scroll down and look at blogville, american style or whatever. Amazing. It's gonna get taken out of context, but at least I got a mention.
I haven't been to a show in forever. If Jamie pays me this weekend, I'm taking my ass to the Hitone Sunday afternoon to see Chris Chew.
I'm hoping that I get the job I'm applying to tomorrow cause that means I could afford to go to more shows. I feel so miserable not going to a show at least once month. I'm like an addict going through withdrawls.
I'm so siked on being mentioned in that blog, fuck being taken out of context. If anything, it'll be a good laugh with the people who do know me and understand where I'm coming from.
I'm not bitter about not being the one to convert fellow Memphians into fans of Memphis music, I swear. It's just frustrating that it took MTV for my friends, who I saw countless hardcore and metal bands with, to get into the music I've loved and grown up with.
I really need to get out to more shows this summer.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
A kiss will make you close your eyes, but a kiss won't make you stay.
I'm so ready for the summertime. I'm ready for a visit to Destin with my sister, shows, cooking out at mine and Jamie's house, and taking long walks with Tuesday, my dog.
So, I've got an exciting oppurtunity coming my way, I asked Chris Chew if I could hang out in the studio next time he goes in to record something and he said 'yes'! I'm so excited, I'll be a kid in a candy store. I honestly can't wait to watch music be made and then buy the finished product. Chris is the nicest fella I know, he's been watching out for me since I first started going to North Mississippi Allstars' shows.(He's the bassist)
It's kinda weird that I'm just as anxious/excited about Cory recording in San Fran as he is. I've got this really great feeling about his third release, I truly believe that Mr. Cory Branan will finally find the success that he deserves and it will stick. Not MTV, but better, he'll have a career, like John Hiatt and Lyle Lovett. I have so much faith in his music.
Life has been so much better lately. I have gotten over a depression that lasted entirely too long and I've got my life back on track. I'm not exactly where I should be yet, but having my foot in the door is a start.
I have a feeling that this summer is going to be one that's very memorable, but not for any bad reasons.
So, I've got an exciting oppurtunity coming my way, I asked Chris Chew if I could hang out in the studio next time he goes in to record something and he said 'yes'! I'm so excited, I'll be a kid in a candy store. I honestly can't wait to watch music be made and then buy the finished product. Chris is the nicest fella I know, he's been watching out for me since I first started going to North Mississippi Allstars' shows.(He's the bassist)
It's kinda weird that I'm just as anxious/excited about Cory recording in San Fran as he is. I've got this really great feeling about his third release, I truly believe that Mr. Cory Branan will finally find the success that he deserves and it will stick. Not MTV, but better, he'll have a career, like John Hiatt and Lyle Lovett. I have so much faith in his music.
Life has been so much better lately. I have gotten over a depression that lasted entirely too long and I've got my life back on track. I'm not exactly where I should be yet, but having my foot in the door is a start.
I have a feeling that this summer is going to be one that's very memorable, but not for any bad reasons.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Hold on to your sanity like you used to hold onto my heart....
It's been a while since I've been able to listen to Blair Combest because I'm a silly girl. I couldn't stand the sound of his voice in almost the same way I still can't stand to hear the sound of the disease's voice. That's such an insult to his talent and his wise voice.
Shit.
He wins.
I'd love to sit down with someone and let them read my notebook. I need some validation and an unbiased opinion on what I'm doing. If that someone enjoys what I've written, that someone has every right to kick me in the ass to write some more once or twice a week.
My only complaint about my muse is that she/he/it has no real sense of time. Whenever the muse strikes, I gotta obey.
I need to stop lying awake at night letting my mind go all over the place because that's what usually leads to me hopping out of the bed right as I'm falling asleep and writing for 10 minutes to maybe 30 minutes.
How is it that I can go from writing about a girl following Dylan on tour to the female Elvis to the Sirens who run North Mississippi to 4 bullriders riding a train so that they can bury their best friend/brother? They all have one connection, my love for music.
I wish I didn't have such a hard time making friends when I actually get out of my house, which is rare. Mostly, I go to the library or the park these days, only in warm weather though.
I wish my poetry didn't suck so bad.
I wish I had a best friend that could talk back to me, my dog is my best friend.
Shit.
He wins.
I'd love to sit down with someone and let them read my notebook. I need some validation and an unbiased opinion on what I'm doing. If that someone enjoys what I've written, that someone has every right to kick me in the ass to write some more once or twice a week.
My only complaint about my muse is that she/he/it has no real sense of time. Whenever the muse strikes, I gotta obey.
I need to stop lying awake at night letting my mind go all over the place because that's what usually leads to me hopping out of the bed right as I'm falling asleep and writing for 10 minutes to maybe 30 minutes.
How is it that I can go from writing about a girl following Dylan on tour to the female Elvis to the Sirens who run North Mississippi to 4 bullriders riding a train so that they can bury their best friend/brother? They all have one connection, my love for music.
I wish I didn't have such a hard time making friends when I actually get out of my house, which is rare. Mostly, I go to the library or the park these days, only in warm weather though.
I wish my poetry didn't suck so bad.
I wish I had a best friend that could talk back to me, my dog is my best friend.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I know I'm not the only one who knows...
I always feel like every musician I know of belongs to Memphis, even if they've never lived in Memphis. Maybe it's because without this city and it's amazing history/culture, rock'n roll wouldn't exist. If those sharecroppers hadn't wanted a better way of life in the city, we wouldn't have this wonderful music.
When I look at the tourdates of my favorites, I get offended when there aren't any Memphis dates. They should make a point of playing a show here. I'm not being ridiculous, right? I know this is a tough city to make it in because the people who actually care about music are really picky and some of them are elitists to the extreme, but everyone I listen to is so talented and could easily make it here if they just took the time to do it.
On another note, I don't know if any of you watch The First 48 Hours on A&E, but that show makes me sad and intrigues me all at once. It saddens me to watch the Memphis episodes because most of the murderers on that show are babies, they can't be more than 24 years old and they're already out there killing because they don't see any other way out of their situation.
It's so sad.
I can't stand it. I had to turn the channel the other night because I was in tears by the end of it, not only because someone lost their wife, but because these are kids out there killing, kids who could have had a bright future had they had someone helping them along when they were kids.
Reality sucks. I'm so glad that I can just escape into a movie or a book or something that I'm writing. Thank God.
Good things are happening to me and I've got my foot in the door. YAY!
When I look at the tourdates of my favorites, I get offended when there aren't any Memphis dates. They should make a point of playing a show here. I'm not being ridiculous, right? I know this is a tough city to make it in because the people who actually care about music are really picky and some of them are elitists to the extreme, but everyone I listen to is so talented and could easily make it here if they just took the time to do it.
On another note, I don't know if any of you watch The First 48 Hours on A&E, but that show makes me sad and intrigues me all at once. It saddens me to watch the Memphis episodes because most of the murderers on that show are babies, they can't be more than 24 years old and they're already out there killing because they don't see any other way out of their situation.
It's so sad.
I can't stand it. I had to turn the channel the other night because I was in tears by the end of it, not only because someone lost their wife, but because these are kids out there killing, kids who could have had a bright future had they had someone helping them along when they were kids.
Reality sucks. I'm so glad that I can just escape into a movie or a book or something that I'm writing. Thank God.
Good things are happening to me and I've got my foot in the door. YAY!
Friday, March 20, 2009
I think that we just need to take it easy.
When do people start paying for their sins? When's the retribution for the people who've felt like they've suffered for a sin they didn't commit? And why does an innocent have to suffer because of someone else's sins? Why?
I'm really glad I'm not a vengeful person. So glad. I contemplate it, but I don't do it. Yeah, I've got a devious mind, that doesn't mean that I put it to use for bad things. Most of my devious plans these days are good and go down on paper.
Am I just supposed to stop my whole life and cater to one person or everybody else for that matter? Am I? No. The answer is no. There's nothing wrong with taking care of myself or doing stuff just for me. It's not selfish, it's taking care of myself, but apparently when I take care of myself and doing something for me it is selfish.
Whatever.
I'm not getting revenge because I don't have to. No mortal on this planet has to get revenge on anyone because it's not in our hands and the sooner some people realize this FACT, the better.
I'm sick of my love being questioned when it shouldn't even be considered to be in question. There's a difference between complete annoyance and hate. I am at complete annoyance, hate is an emotion I don't feel. I may say I hate doing something or I hate an object when it breaks, but that's me venting. Damn.
Whatever.
My life is my life, no one can take it but the Lord above. I've got a destiny that needs fulfilling.
I'm really glad I'm not a vengeful person. So glad. I contemplate it, but I don't do it. Yeah, I've got a devious mind, that doesn't mean that I put it to use for bad things. Most of my devious plans these days are good and go down on paper.
Am I just supposed to stop my whole life and cater to one person or everybody else for that matter? Am I? No. The answer is no. There's nothing wrong with taking care of myself or doing stuff just for me. It's not selfish, it's taking care of myself, but apparently when I take care of myself and doing something for me it is selfish.
Whatever.
I'm not getting revenge because I don't have to. No mortal on this planet has to get revenge on anyone because it's not in our hands and the sooner some people realize this FACT, the better.
I'm sick of my love being questioned when it shouldn't even be considered to be in question. There's a difference between complete annoyance and hate. I am at complete annoyance, hate is an emotion I don't feel. I may say I hate doing something or I hate an object when it breaks, but that's me venting. Damn.
Whatever.
My life is my life, no one can take it but the Lord above. I've got a destiny that needs fulfilling.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Got my mojo working, but it just don't work on you...
I've been a really bad live music fan as of the past year. I get invited to so many shows by so many local artists that I absolutely ADORE, but I just can't get there cause I'm carless.
The only venue I can really go to and have a ride home is Otherlands because their shows usually end around midnight and my sister or mom or dad don't mind coming to get me. I swear to God, I'm gonna get my license and maybe my dad will start letting me keep his car on the weekends. It'll cause problems with the disease, but she can just get over it. The disease doesn't have his trust and I do. Why? Cause I actually behave the way a daughter should. ANYWAYS, hopefully that will be before summer comes around.
I really do miss going to shows practically every other weekend. I love live music, I thrive on it. I should be making more of an effort, but I'm putting my energy towards other life essentials.
So, bands and singer/songwriters, I'm sorry that I've missed your shows. It is NOT a slight against you, I swear. It has nothing to do with how good you are. Okay, one of you sucks, but you're such a nice guy that I hate to tell you and one of you is a jerk, but talented one, so I refuse to watch you play unless you're with someone I like.
Apparently, my sentence structure is good. I've always thought that my grammar and wording were shit. I mean, I'm not even sure if my placement of commas are correct.
The only venue I can really go to and have a ride home is Otherlands because their shows usually end around midnight and my sister or mom or dad don't mind coming to get me. I swear to God, I'm gonna get my license and maybe my dad will start letting me keep his car on the weekends. It'll cause problems with the disease, but she can just get over it. The disease doesn't have his trust and I do. Why? Cause I actually behave the way a daughter should. ANYWAYS, hopefully that will be before summer comes around.
I really do miss going to shows practically every other weekend. I love live music, I thrive on it. I should be making more of an effort, but I'm putting my energy towards other life essentials.
So, bands and singer/songwriters, I'm sorry that I've missed your shows. It is NOT a slight against you, I swear. It has nothing to do with how good you are. Okay, one of you sucks, but you're such a nice guy that I hate to tell you and one of you is a jerk, but talented one, so I refuse to watch you play unless you're with someone I like.
Apparently, my sentence structure is good. I've always thought that my grammar and wording were shit. I mean, I'm not even sure if my placement of commas are correct.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
I went up to Main St just to ease my pain...
So, today I had an adventure by myself downtown. I had the best burger ever at Huey's and watched the sun set on the Mississipi River, it was awe inspiring. I even graffiti'd at Huey's, check it out when you can.(Some of it is in the gal's restroom, so if you're a boy you can't)
I wrote this while watching the sun set.
I watched the sunset
On the Mighty Mississippi
And that's when I first fell in love
With my city
The currents are strong
So are the people
And their love for the city
Makes any hometown gal proud
Just like the river
Our love will always flow
Only an earthquake
Could change our direction
On the bluff of the Mighty Mississippi
I watched the sunset
And I fell in love
With my city
I'm not sure if it's done yet, I may need to sit on the bluff one more time during a sunset. I hope I get some babysitting money some time soon. Today was beautiful, even the miles of walking I did were beautiful.
I wrote this while watching the sun set.
I watched the sunset
On the Mighty Mississippi
And that's when I first fell in love
With my city
The currents are strong
So are the people
And their love for the city
Makes any hometown gal proud
Just like the river
Our love will always flow
Only an earthquake
Could change our direction
On the bluff of the Mighty Mississippi
I watched the sunset
And I fell in love
With my city
I'm not sure if it's done yet, I may need to sit on the bluff one more time during a sunset. I hope I get some babysitting money some time soon. Today was beautiful, even the miles of walking I did were beautiful.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Gateway Drugs.
Okay, my drug of choice is music. Every single day I feed it, it's a monster that's grown strong over the years because it's been fed by bands and singer/songwriters exposing me to other artists of the same or greater calibur. When I go without my addiction to music for even a day, I feel withdrawals. It fuels me and helps me get through the day.
Sometimes, I think that God made music especially for me to carry me through the storm that was sure to come my way. It's a pure love that I have for God and for the music that He gave me. Don't mistake me though, I know that it's art that should imitate life and life should NEVER imitate art. There are those out there who don't understand that and I feel sorry for them because they'll never create their own art.
My love for music over the years has grown because I've fallen in love the my local music scene, the best music scene in the world, the Memphis music scene. Without Memphis, our country's culture and maybe even world culture would not be what it is today.
The bands and songwriters that I've been going to see for the past 6 to 8 years have introduced me to other great local artists and older bands and songwriters that I would not have discovered on my own so soon in my very young life. Without Cory Branan I wouldn't have found John Prine or Tom Waits so soon in my lfie. Without North Mississippi Allstars I wouldn't have discovered the great bluesmen of the hill country or the old rockers from the 60s and 70s that helped Memphis get to where it is today. Without Lucero I'd have no idea who Drag the River are or who William Elliot Whitmore is or who the Fox Hunt are. Jimmy Davis introduced me to folk/bluegrass local legends and I'm so greatful, he opened my ears to a music that I thought was so outdated, but it's not.
Cory Branan, North Mississippi Allstars, Lucero, and Jimmy Davis are the ones who helped me appreciate music the right way. They're the reason that Cory tells me that I'm not an 'amateur' like most music fans my age. Loving this music has helped me appreciate a diverse selection of music and be open to a new kind of music, as long as it's of good quality of course. ;)
So, to any of you who look down your nose at a certain genre of music, give it a try. Leave a comment if you need a suggestion of what artist to listen to. I do have to warn you though, I'm not much of a metal fan and I don't know any of the names of any Celtic artists.
Music is the air in my lungs, the blood pumping in my veins, and the wild stories running around in my head.
Sometimes, I think that God made music especially for me to carry me through the storm that was sure to come my way. It's a pure love that I have for God and for the music that He gave me. Don't mistake me though, I know that it's art that should imitate life and life should NEVER imitate art. There are those out there who don't understand that and I feel sorry for them because they'll never create their own art.
My love for music over the years has grown because I've fallen in love the my local music scene, the best music scene in the world, the Memphis music scene. Without Memphis, our country's culture and maybe even world culture would not be what it is today.
The bands and songwriters that I've been going to see for the past 6 to 8 years have introduced me to other great local artists and older bands and songwriters that I would not have discovered on my own so soon in my very young life. Without Cory Branan I wouldn't have found John Prine or Tom Waits so soon in my lfie. Without North Mississippi Allstars I wouldn't have discovered the great bluesmen of the hill country or the old rockers from the 60s and 70s that helped Memphis get to where it is today. Without Lucero I'd have no idea who Drag the River are or who William Elliot Whitmore is or who the Fox Hunt are. Jimmy Davis introduced me to folk/bluegrass local legends and I'm so greatful, he opened my ears to a music that I thought was so outdated, but it's not.
Cory Branan, North Mississippi Allstars, Lucero, and Jimmy Davis are the ones who helped me appreciate music the right way. They're the reason that Cory tells me that I'm not an 'amateur' like most music fans my age. Loving this music has helped me appreciate a diverse selection of music and be open to a new kind of music, as long as it's of good quality of course. ;)
So, to any of you who look down your nose at a certain genre of music, give it a try. Leave a comment if you need a suggestion of what artist to listen to. I do have to warn you though, I'm not much of a metal fan and I don't know any of the names of any Celtic artists.
Music is the air in my lungs, the blood pumping in my veins, and the wild stories running around in my head.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I know where to start, a simple heart.
I wonder where the sudden instinct to run and not to give up is suddenly coming from, it's so weird.
So, my mom called me out on a lot of my bullshit the other night and while the truth most certainly hurts, I know that it's coming from a loving place and my feelings aren't hurt. I feel like I can finally take responsibility for myself and not have to worry about taking care of everyone else. I got to a point where I was using everyone relying on/using me as an excuse for not living my life and doing what needs to get done.
No more.
I'm not completely cured, but I'm ready to take the first step to get my life back on track.
Finally.
It's funny that I might get something that I want, but I only want one person to leave and for the other not to suffer because I want that first person to leave.
I'm so excited for my favorite songwriters to be back in town next week. If any of you read this, which I highly doubt, drop me a line as to if we can hang out or not. I'm completely free, pitifully free, pathetically free, etc.
My dog is the best companion I've got. Get one if you don't have one.
So, my mom called me out on a lot of my bullshit the other night and while the truth most certainly hurts, I know that it's coming from a loving place and my feelings aren't hurt. I feel like I can finally take responsibility for myself and not have to worry about taking care of everyone else. I got to a point where I was using everyone relying on/using me as an excuse for not living my life and doing what needs to get done.
No more.
I'm not completely cured, but I'm ready to take the first step to get my life back on track.
Finally.
It's funny that I might get something that I want, but I only want one person to leave and for the other not to suffer because I want that first person to leave.
I'm so excited for my favorite songwriters to be back in town next week. If any of you read this, which I highly doubt, drop me a line as to if we can hang out or not. I'm completely free, pitifully free, pathetically free, etc.
My dog is the best companion I've got. Get one if you don't have one.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
It may be a waste of words and time, but never a waste of life
And cuffs hurt worst when you've done nothing wrong...
Uncle Tupelo's Grindstone has been a big help to me lately. I love it a lot.
I've been so unsocial over the past 6 months and half of that is because I've got a shitty homelife that keeps me here, the other half is because sometimes I'm just a loner when I shouldn't be. Both of these have contributed to the fact that I feel completely friendless. Well, and I was super depressed last weekend and I called 2 friends who I thought would be there for me in one of my darkest hours, and they weren't.
This just contributes to me being even pickier about who I consider to be my friend. I know that I should cut people slack, but my heart just isn't too trusting these days.
Venting isn't helping at all. This is why I need friends, friends who will take me out and have stupid fun with me. I need stupid fun.
I've come up with some really great writing ideas and developing them over the next year or 2 is gonna be awesome. It makes me feel so good about myself when I come up with some marvelous idea that, if someone else wrote it, I'd love to read it or watch it. My writing makes me so ambitious.
I've been thinking that at some point I should go to college for my writing. It's the first time I've ever wanted to go to college. I've always been very against it in the past, but now that I know for sure what I'll be doing with my life it just seems like a logical and helpful step. The only bad thing about it is that I'm a fucking awful student, I mean AWFUL. I love to learn and absorb knowledge, but I hate school. I hate grades. I hate sitting in a classroom listening to someone teach me math or science. Ugh. I wouldn't mind studying geography, history, or a foreign language because it'll help with my writing. Of course, any english and literature class appeals to me like noneother, as long as I have a decent professor.
BUT I'm getting ahead of myself first.
I still have a few other responsibilities to take care of.
I'm still super fucking sick of living with that bitch.
And I ain't transcendin' much of nothing/I'm still down in it, I ain't free/Weren't no experiment(The Corner-Cory Branan www.myspace.com/corybranan )
Uncle Tupelo's Grindstone has been a big help to me lately. I love it a lot.
I've been so unsocial over the past 6 months and half of that is because I've got a shitty homelife that keeps me here, the other half is because sometimes I'm just a loner when I shouldn't be. Both of these have contributed to the fact that I feel completely friendless. Well, and I was super depressed last weekend and I called 2 friends who I thought would be there for me in one of my darkest hours, and they weren't.
This just contributes to me being even pickier about who I consider to be my friend. I know that I should cut people slack, but my heart just isn't too trusting these days.
Venting isn't helping at all. This is why I need friends, friends who will take me out and have stupid fun with me. I need stupid fun.
I've come up with some really great writing ideas and developing them over the next year or 2 is gonna be awesome. It makes me feel so good about myself when I come up with some marvelous idea that, if someone else wrote it, I'd love to read it or watch it. My writing makes me so ambitious.
I've been thinking that at some point I should go to college for my writing. It's the first time I've ever wanted to go to college. I've always been very against it in the past, but now that I know for sure what I'll be doing with my life it just seems like a logical and helpful step. The only bad thing about it is that I'm a fucking awful student, I mean AWFUL. I love to learn and absorb knowledge, but I hate school. I hate grades. I hate sitting in a classroom listening to someone teach me math or science. Ugh. I wouldn't mind studying geography, history, or a foreign language because it'll help with my writing. Of course, any english and literature class appeals to me like noneother, as long as I have a decent professor.
BUT I'm getting ahead of myself first.
I still have a few other responsibilities to take care of.
I'm still super fucking sick of living with that bitch.
And I ain't transcendin' much of nothing/I'm still down in it, I ain't free/Weren't no experiment(The Corner-Cory Branan www.myspace.com/corybranan )
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
So, this is the way that I feel a lot of the time these days.
It's weird to read exactly how I've been feeling from a book that every other chick in my age group has read. I want to know if anyone else read this paragraph and realized that this is how they've been feeling too.
I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made its appearance.
It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my own ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.
- New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
Take from that what you will, but that's the only comfort I have right now, to know that at least one person knows the pain that I'm going through. I so wish that someone would hold me and listen to me and comfort me. That's all I want right now. That's all I need.
I just can't believe that after having such a wonderful day, my mood has gone back to this.
Fuck.
I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made its appearance.
It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my own ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.
- New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
Take from that what you will, but that's the only comfort I have right now, to know that at least one person knows the pain that I'm going through. I so wish that someone would hold me and listen to me and comfort me. That's all I want right now. That's all I need.
I just can't believe that after having such a wonderful day, my mood has gone back to this.
Fuck.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The best revenge is personal success.
The best revenge is doing what's best for me.
She's not my sister anymore, if you want the truth she hasn't been a sister to me in YEARS, so I won't be helping her one tiny bit. Not at all. I haven't benefited from having her as a sister, so she won't benefit from having me as a sister.
I know that sounds harsh, but if you know the whole story then you know I'm justified in saying those things. She's gonna get what's coming to her and the funny thing is is that she's gonna serve it to herself, no one else will. No one else will be the cause of anything bad happening to her, but her.
Harsh, yet again. Yet again, if you know the story, you know I'm right.
I'm gonna succeed.
I'm gonna live my dreams.
I'm gonna take everyone BUT her with me.
I'm right, she's wrong. That's all there is to it. I did my best and she shit on it, now that's what she gets.
The best revenge is doing what's best for me.
She's not my sister anymore, if you want the truth she hasn't been a sister to me in YEARS, so I won't be helping her one tiny bit. Not at all. I haven't benefited from having her as a sister, so she won't benefit from having me as a sister.
I know that sounds harsh, but if you know the whole story then you know I'm justified in saying those things. She's gonna get what's coming to her and the funny thing is is that she's gonna serve it to herself, no one else will. No one else will be the cause of anything bad happening to her, but her.
Harsh, yet again. Yet again, if you know the story, you know I'm right.
I'm gonna succeed.
I'm gonna live my dreams.
I'm gonna take everyone BUT her with me.
I'm right, she's wrong. That's all there is to it. I did my best and she shit on it, now that's what she gets.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
You got a problem with me, I got a problem with you...
I really need support right now, badly. Any way that you can encourage me would be helpful. It doesn't take much to put a smile on my face and make me feel good about myself.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Later is better than never(in some cases).
So, I've decided on my 2 New Year's resolutions.
1. Get down to a size 6 by this coming NYE.
2. Return to the real me, show it, let my freak flag fly, etc.
Number one is made all the time, but I'm gonna do it! I have to, for myself.
Number two is self-preservation and being honest with myself. No more standing back and not saying anything because it might hurt someone's feelings. No more not saying anything cause it'll cause drama, I'm smart enough to know how to talk to someone and not make them angry. If that person can't appreciate my honesty, my realness; it's not my problem, it's theirs. I can't control anyone's reactions and it's not gonna affect me anymore.
I'm a really bubbly, smily person and I'm honest about how I feel and I'm not afraid to say it. I'm gonna be the Natalie that I'm proud of this year and for every year that follows. I'm gonna continue to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I'll do a better job of communicating and protecting myself and not letting my emotions run my life(at least, not completely. I'm emotional and it works for me, I just won't let myself get so down anymore).
I hate that the person that people see is depressed, bitter, resentful Natalie. That's not who I want to be.
That's gonna change right now.
Time for me to open my mouth and live my days for me, only me.
1. Get down to a size 6 by this coming NYE.
2. Return to the real me, show it, let my freak flag fly, etc.
Number one is made all the time, but I'm gonna do it! I have to, for myself.
Number two is self-preservation and being honest with myself. No more standing back and not saying anything because it might hurt someone's feelings. No more not saying anything cause it'll cause drama, I'm smart enough to know how to talk to someone and not make them angry. If that person can't appreciate my honesty, my realness; it's not my problem, it's theirs. I can't control anyone's reactions and it's not gonna affect me anymore.
I'm a really bubbly, smily person and I'm honest about how I feel and I'm not afraid to say it. I'm gonna be the Natalie that I'm proud of this year and for every year that follows. I'm gonna continue to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I'll do a better job of communicating and protecting myself and not letting my emotions run my life(at least, not completely. I'm emotional and it works for me, I just won't let myself get so down anymore).
I hate that the person that people see is depressed, bitter, resentful Natalie. That's not who I want to be.
That's gonna change right now.
Time for me to open my mouth and live my days for me, only me.
Friday, January 9, 2009
There's no one to defeat you, no one to beat you 'cept the thoughts of yourself feeling bad.
I really need to reconcile with the bad feelings I have towards myself, the self-criticism. I just haven't been able to accept my flaws and move on. I can't take my own criticism and I sure as hell can't take my family's. It's just hard to forget about them, work through them, and focus on the positive.
I need to stop making everyone else's problems my own, taking on something that is completely not my responsibility. It's just hard because I feel guilt when I don't show that I care or take on someone else's problem as my responsibility. I feel like a cold, heartless person when I'm not there to be of help or to carry the emotional burden on my shoulders.
I know that I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleave, but I don't want to become too guarded and cold-hearted.
I want to do things for myself and get ahead, but I hate asking for any help from anyone. I feel like I get such a negative response from my sisters(Jamie&Bridget) whenever I ask for help, I know NOT to ask Emily cause what sort of help could she give me.
I'm sick of everyone BUT Emily dealing with her bipolar disorder, it's so exhausting. She doesn't have to deal with it because we've taken the weight of it. I don't know how to not deal with it, but still live in a positive environment. She's always there, she's always beating on my self-esteem. I build myself up and tell myself what I know is right, and then she attacks my psyche. I feel like I don't have any real support in the house and so the walls that I've built up are incredibly weak. You can't just ignore someone who knows exactly how to get to you. It's so hard.
I know that I need to socialize, but who with? I call people or send them messages, I do my best to communicate, but it feels fruitless when it's not reciporacated. I realize that people are busy and I accept it; and I'm not expecting a lot, just hanging out everysooften. I don't want to be a burden.
I wish that I didn't feel so stifled by my house, a place that's supposed to be a comfort zone and a safe place. My house is NOT a comfort zone or a safe place. It's through no fault of my dad though, at least I don't think so.
It just comes down to the fact that I need to gather my strength and do what needs to be done for me and forget anyone else's problems and not make them my own. It'll be hard, I wish that I felt like I had help through this. I'm alone and it sucks.
I need to stop making everyone else's problems my own, taking on something that is completely not my responsibility. It's just hard because I feel guilt when I don't show that I care or take on someone else's problem as my responsibility. I feel like a cold, heartless person when I'm not there to be of help or to carry the emotional burden on my shoulders.
I know that I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleave, but I don't want to become too guarded and cold-hearted.
I want to do things for myself and get ahead, but I hate asking for any help from anyone. I feel like I get such a negative response from my sisters(Jamie&Bridget) whenever I ask for help, I know NOT to ask Emily cause what sort of help could she give me.
I'm sick of everyone BUT Emily dealing with her bipolar disorder, it's so exhausting. She doesn't have to deal with it because we've taken the weight of it. I don't know how to not deal with it, but still live in a positive environment. She's always there, she's always beating on my self-esteem. I build myself up and tell myself what I know is right, and then she attacks my psyche. I feel like I don't have any real support in the house and so the walls that I've built up are incredibly weak. You can't just ignore someone who knows exactly how to get to you. It's so hard.
I know that I need to socialize, but who with? I call people or send them messages, I do my best to communicate, but it feels fruitless when it's not reciporacated. I realize that people are busy and I accept it; and I'm not expecting a lot, just hanging out everysooften. I don't want to be a burden.
I wish that I didn't feel so stifled by my house, a place that's supposed to be a comfort zone and a safe place. My house is NOT a comfort zone or a safe place. It's through no fault of my dad though, at least I don't think so.
It just comes down to the fact that I need to gather my strength and do what needs to be done for me and forget anyone else's problems and not make them my own. It'll be hard, I wish that I felt like I had help through this. I'm alone and it sucks.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
When I was down you just stood there grinning....
My sisters(Emily&Bridget) really don't grasp that every negative comment and every time they go off on me without warrant pushes me further away from them every time. I'm at the point where I've decided to wash my hands of them once I leave Memphis. I know it's sad to say, but if you knew the shit I have to take from them then you'd do it to.
I don't deserve to be spoken to that way!
I don't tell Bridget what I think of her or Emily why she's so fucked up. I don't. I have a little something called tact and I do a little something called picking my battles. Sisters are a pain in the ass. I'm glad Bridget is moving out in a month, one less bitch to worry about.
Oh, and let me say now that Bridget was an excellent person before she let Emily and her boyfriend have so much influence over her day to day dealings, seriously. She and Jamie should've stayed living together because at least Jamie has her priorities straight and knows how to be in a healthy relationship, Emily and Bridget aren't even capable of this. Every guy Bridget has been with has taken advantage of her wonderful, kind nature and every one of those guys made her feel like he was gonna be the last guy to ever be attracted to her.
If she doesn't want me to care, then I won't. Let her marry this douche bag, I sure as hell won't go to the wedding, celebrate it or congratulate her; I congratulate him for landing one of the best, strongest women he'll ever lay his petty eyes on. She'll just get my pity for being with such a nobody. She needs to be with a real man, not a sick little manipulator.
:end rant:
So, I love writing. I love creating characters. I came up with one Friday that is absolutely fantastic, she's everything that I want to be. She's sassy, outspoken, gorgeous in a really angelic way, and an awesome musician. I'm so siked to write her story.
I'm also writing something else based on Cory Branan's song Lily( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGEqhc0CK7c ) and I asked Cory what it meant for him and all he said was that "Ovenbird" by Robert Frost inspired the chorus. At first I thought that he was giving me the easiest answer he could find, but he also told me that I was right in interpreting it as a sort of funeral march, which it is for my story.
"Ovenbird" by Robert Frost
There is a singer everyone has heard,
Loud, a mid-summer and a mid-wood bird,
Who makes the solid tree trunks sound again.
He says that leaves are old and that for flowers
Mid-summer is to spring as one to ten.
He says the early petal-fall is past
When pear and cherry bloom went down in showers
On sunny days a moment overcast;
And comes that other fall we name the fall.
He says the highway dust is over all.
The bird would cease and be as other birds
But that he knows in singing not to sing.
The question that he frames in all but words
Is what to make of a diminished thing.
Cory said that, mainly, the lines "The question that he frames in all but words/Is what to make of a diminished thing" is what inspired the chorus, and that just helped me out so much. I'm really glad that my favorite songwriter is also a friend who will help me out and inspire me with my writing when he can. We're by no means close, but we've known each other for 5 and a half years, he's watched me grow up. I've watched him grow up. I've had the honour of watching him develop his stage presence and the honour of hearing his songwriting progress.
Cory Branan is the unsung hero of rock'n roll. He doesn't write just one kind of song, he doesn't box himself in. He doesn't write just sappy love songs(none of them are sappy), crazy ass monkey songs, songs about historic events, songs about him fucking up past relationships, etc. His songwriting over the past 2 years has become so literary, you can tell that he's well-read. On the other hand, he doesn't insult your intelligence either. He realizes that some of his fans are young as shit and some are just at his show for a good time, he caters to that. He also caters to those who want something real, something to relate to. The best thing about Cory Branan is that he doesn't have the slightest clue as to how incredible he is as a musician, songwriter, and performer.
I'm done gushing, he'd have to put a sunroof on his junky ass mini-van to fit in it if I went on any longer.
=====
I got some important things done today and tomorrow I'm gonna get even more important things done. It feels good to make progress. I hate making decisions and doing the grown-up thing, but once I do it there's an immense relief in my chest and head. Thank God my dad is amazing and helps me through this stuff. He's the best man, on this planet, that I'll ever meet. God broke the mold with my dad. (Uncle Carl, laugh all you want, but it's true.)
Signin' out cause I know you're bored to tears by now,
Hurricane Natalie
I don't deserve to be spoken to that way!
I don't tell Bridget what I think of her or Emily why she's so fucked up. I don't. I have a little something called tact and I do a little something called picking my battles. Sisters are a pain in the ass. I'm glad Bridget is moving out in a month, one less bitch to worry about.
Oh, and let me say now that Bridget was an excellent person before she let Emily and her boyfriend have so much influence over her day to day dealings, seriously. She and Jamie should've stayed living together because at least Jamie has her priorities straight and knows how to be in a healthy relationship, Emily and Bridget aren't even capable of this. Every guy Bridget has been with has taken advantage of her wonderful, kind nature and every one of those guys made her feel like he was gonna be the last guy to ever be attracted to her.
If she doesn't want me to care, then I won't. Let her marry this douche bag, I sure as hell won't go to the wedding, celebrate it or congratulate her; I congratulate him for landing one of the best, strongest women he'll ever lay his petty eyes on. She'll just get my pity for being with such a nobody. She needs to be with a real man, not a sick little manipulator.
:end rant:
So, I love writing. I love creating characters. I came up with one Friday that is absolutely fantastic, she's everything that I want to be. She's sassy, outspoken, gorgeous in a really angelic way, and an awesome musician. I'm so siked to write her story.
I'm also writing something else based on Cory Branan's song Lily( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGEqhc0CK7c ) and I asked Cory what it meant for him and all he said was that "Ovenbird" by Robert Frost inspired the chorus. At first I thought that he was giving me the easiest answer he could find, but he also told me that I was right in interpreting it as a sort of funeral march, which it is for my story.
"Ovenbird" by Robert Frost
There is a singer everyone has heard,
Loud, a mid-summer and a mid-wood bird,
Who makes the solid tree trunks sound again.
He says that leaves are old and that for flowers
Mid-summer is to spring as one to ten.
He says the early petal-fall is past
When pear and cherry bloom went down in showers
On sunny days a moment overcast;
And comes that other fall we name the fall.
He says the highway dust is over all.
The bird would cease and be as other birds
But that he knows in singing not to sing.
The question that he frames in all but words
Is what to make of a diminished thing.
Cory said that, mainly, the lines "The question that he frames in all but words/Is what to make of a diminished thing" is what inspired the chorus, and that just helped me out so much. I'm really glad that my favorite songwriter is also a friend who will help me out and inspire me with my writing when he can. We're by no means close, but we've known each other for 5 and a half years, he's watched me grow up. I've watched him grow up. I've had the honour of watching him develop his stage presence and the honour of hearing his songwriting progress.
Cory Branan is the unsung hero of rock'n roll. He doesn't write just one kind of song, he doesn't box himself in. He doesn't write just sappy love songs(none of them are sappy), crazy ass monkey songs, songs about historic events, songs about him fucking up past relationships, etc. His songwriting over the past 2 years has become so literary, you can tell that he's well-read. On the other hand, he doesn't insult your intelligence either. He realizes that some of his fans are young as shit and some are just at his show for a good time, he caters to that. He also caters to those who want something real, something to relate to. The best thing about Cory Branan is that he doesn't have the slightest clue as to how incredible he is as a musician, songwriter, and performer.
I'm done gushing, he'd have to put a sunroof on his junky ass mini-van to fit in it if I went on any longer.
=====
I got some important things done today and tomorrow I'm gonna get even more important things done. It feels good to make progress. I hate making decisions and doing the grown-up thing, but once I do it there's an immense relief in my chest and head. Thank God my dad is amazing and helps me through this stuff. He's the best man, on this planet, that I'll ever meet. God broke the mold with my dad. (Uncle Carl, laugh all you want, but it's true.)
Signin' out cause I know you're bored to tears by now,
Hurricane Natalie
Thursday, January 1, 2009
He don't love you and he'll break your heart...
It's taking everything that I've got not to tell Bridget's boyfriend exactly what I think of him. He's a manipulative, selfish asshole. He's way worse than any other guy she's ever been with, seriously. He's taking advantage of her good nature and making her feel like he's the last guy on this planet that will ever find her attractive in a romantic/sexual way.
It fucking frustrates me. I can't stand it. Bridget is the prettiest of us 4 girls, but she doesn't know that. I don't think she'll be in the relationship she deserves until she loves herself fully, I believe that she loves the person on the inside and hates the one on the outside. She shouldn't, she just shouldn't. I hate that she lowers her expectations and gets involved with little shits like the guy she's with now.
At least everybody else realizes how horrible he is and I'm not the only one, if only Bridget would hurry up and see it too.
It fucking frustrates me. I can't stand it. Bridget is the prettiest of us 4 girls, but she doesn't know that. I don't think she'll be in the relationship she deserves until she loves herself fully, I believe that she loves the person on the inside and hates the one on the outside. She shouldn't, she just shouldn't. I hate that she lowers her expectations and gets involved with little shits like the guy she's with now.
At least everybody else realizes how horrible he is and I'm not the only one, if only Bridget would hurry up and see it too.
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